The showcase. Bellamy, wearing a shirt, a sweater, possibly an undershirt and a green suit jacket all at the same time somehow manages not to sweat himself into a large pool of water. He does a quick, fairly funny bit about liking how tough 50 Cent is. And then, before you can even blink, it's time to get the show rolling. A Bellamy set is like a tiny, palate-cleansing mint. (Chocolatey, of course.) Backstage, the comics are tense. Dante has a three-year-old kid, and says that the rewards of this show would be life-changing. Dante really needs this, he says. More attention to Sarah, who vows to wow Alonzo in the callback. Ant flogs Capitol One. What bullshit is this that people cheer for a bank? Trenchcoat Stephen Glickman is up first. He switches it up with a reverse-molestation joke. It's funnier than it sounds, but not by much. Dwayne Perkins from Brooklyn. He scores with an alcohol peer-pressure jokes that's funny and insightful. Yay, Dwayne. Lizzy Cooperman is back. Meh. Not so good. Thea Vidale of L.A., who says she's been doing this for twenty years, is next. A hit-your-children-in-the-neck joke that actually works. I've been looking for one of those!
More backstage nervousness. Alycia Cooper frets about not being as experienced as everyone else. Jon Reep says that he works well under pressure. So do snow tires, but they're not very funny. Reep is up next. He does some pretty good physical comedy and turns his belly and belly button into a bagel. Amazingly, it's not awful. Alycia's next. Her Dick Cheney shooting riff is a little dated, but she ends on Al Sharpton's perm getting shot off, and that's not a bad place to be. She does well. Dante! He does a good joke about big-boned skeletons. Alonzo laughs heartily. For some reason, they cut to a woman in the audience who sits, stone-faced. Maybe she's married to a fat skeleton. Sean Rouse is back. His next joke is not bleeped at all, and yet I still don't get it. Maybe I'm just not feeling the Rouse tonight, but I have no idea what the fuck this guy is doing. Maligned Sarah Colonna is up next. Come on, Sarah. Prove me wrong. She goes with...a weak dating joke. Ant needs oxygen it's so funny to him. Kathleen applauds. Please don't let Sarah Colonna advance, God. Backstage, Thea waits and prays.
The results: moving on are Thea Vidale (yay!) who screams in glee, Sean Rouse (I guess I'm going to have to start feeling The Rouse) and...fucking Sarah Connola. Of course. Because why show so much of her lame ass if they weren't going to advance her to the next round despite her weak material? Look, it's nothing personal. Maybe the rest of her set was brilliant and we were only shown the hacky, unfunny shit. But there you go. We were only shown her hacky, unfunny shit. So we must dislike her while we can. The Capitol One Audience Favorite: Dante. Hell yes! The last comic to go on...Jon Reep. Hey, that's cool. I can get behind that one. Poor Alycia says she'll be back next year to tear the roof off the place. Or you could just suck like Sarah Calonna and see if that gets you further.