Last Comic Standing
Auditions #3

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Auditions #3

More backstage nervousness. Alycia Cooper frets about not being as experienced as everyone else. Jon Reep says that he works well under pressure. So do snow tires, but they're not very funny. Reep is up next. He does some pretty good physical comedy and turns his belly and belly button into a bagel. Amazingly, it's not awful. Alycia's next. Her Dick Cheney shooting riff is a little dated, but she ends on Al Sharpton's perm getting shot off, and that's not a bad place to be. She does well. Dante! He does a good joke about big-boned skeletons. Alonzo laughs heartily. For some reason, they cut to a woman in the audience who sits, stone-faced. Maybe she's married to a fat skeleton. Sean Rouse is back. His next joke is not bleeped at all, and yet I still don't get it. Maybe I'm just not feeling the Rouse tonight, but I have no idea what the fuck this guy is doing. Maligned Sarah Colonna is up next. Come on, Sarah. Prove me wrong. She goes with...a weak dating joke. Ant needs oxygen it's so funny to him. Kathleen applauds. Please don't let Sarah Colonna advance, God. Backstage, Thea waits and prays.

The results: moving on are Thea Vidale (yay!) who screams in glee, Sean Rouse (I guess I'm going to have to start feeling The Rouse) and...fucking Sarah Connola. Of course. Because why show so much of her lame ass if they weren't going to advance her to the next round despite her weak material? Look, it's nothing personal. Maybe the rest of her set was brilliant and we were only shown the hacky, unfunny shit. But there you go. We were only shown her hacky, unfunny shit. So we must dislike her while we can. The Capitol One Audience Favorite: Dante. Hell yes! The last comic to go on...Jon Reep. Hey, that's cool. I can get behind that one. Poor Alycia says she'll be back next year to tear the roof off the place. Or you could just suck like Sarah Calonna and see if that gets you further.

Australia! G'day! Unimaginative stock footage of koala bears and kangaroos. I half-expect to see a still of Paul Hogan. The Comedy Store in Sydney. Crazies in line. Alonzo says he wants to be surprised and he thinks a foreign comic will bring a different perspective and, of course, an accent. He says ladies love an accent. They also love a smooth, low, smart voice of a clean-shaven, good-lookin' dude. Alonzo. Just sayin'. Captain Australia from Sydney starts us off. He's wearing a cape and a mask made of the Australian flag. His whole schtick is the costume because when he's asked to perform, he does an unfunny bit about dating his friends' sisters. Alonzo suggests someone shoot him at the beginning of his act: if he lives, people have to listen to the rest of his jokes. The Captain exits on triumphant music. Adam Vincent of Melbourne, who is a hot dude (and I'm straight!), does one unfunny joke and one halfway-clever one about Jesus being a homeless guy undercover. Ant loves him, and the other scouts let him through. Adam whoops, loudly. Michael Akobi of Melbourne is next. He's only done this twice before. It shows. Cut to Kathleen talking about the thick accents guessed it...accent montage! Those wacky Aussies!

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Last Comic Standing




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