Hey, it's time to find the funniest person in the world! In London. Or Minneapolis. Eddie Izzard and the guys from Mystery Science Theater? I think we can forego this one, right?
We go straight to the globe and zoom in on London. Hey kids, Big Ben, Parliament! A Queen Elizabeth impersonator gets off a double-decker bus. If you're not Helen Mirren-hot, I don't want to see your QEII impression. Alonzo explains British humor: he says it's either so high-brow you have to pretend to get it, or somebody throws a pie at you. Pie, please!
The first comic goes up. It's Thoumas Yianni, who has at least two extraneous vowels in his name. He's from London. He snores and makes a sad jokes about how much the ladies must love that. Alonzo stops him right there, with righteousness. The guy says he should have more time. "I agree!" Ant blargs out. I don't want to be the asshole who makes everything about Ant's, you know, orientation that he talks about all day, but am I the only one who thinks that he favors the cute, scruffy guys over the ugly, scrawny ones and women? Because this guy's got a little Clive Owen thing going, despite not being funny so far. "I went to the [bleep!] enlargement clinic," Yianno continues, and Ant tells him to get out. Ooh, Ant burn. Matt Kirshen, also from London, is next. He's the bitty, scrawny type. He makes some pretty decent jokes about how kids today aren't as unhealthy as kids during the plague, despite news reports. He cracks the scouts up. Kathleen likes "trench foot." I'll have to remember that in case we ever date. Outside, The Bellamy corners Kirshen and asks how long he's been comedy. Five years. "Foive yeeeees!" Bellamy imitates. Oh, cruel Bellamy. The Bellamy asks a bunch of questions about his comedy, and Kirshen tries not to get overwhelmed and just answers, "Yes," which for some reason cracks up The Bellamy. I think The Bellamy has The Jetlag. Bushy-haired Spencer Brown "From Londontown" is next. He's been doing comedy for eight years. Well? He jokes to the camera that he's really American. On stage, he tells a bad dyslexia joke, and the explanation of it is what actually makes the scouts laugh. He makes a joke involving a "pensioner" and an "invalid carriage" and the show takes the time to freeze-frame and offer definitions of each, including visual aids. ("Retired person" and "Rascal," respectively.) I hope NBC has permission to use those TiVo sound effects. Spencer tells the jokes, which involves making fun of old people by talking in slow motion. The scouts like it. Kathleen says that if she had an Englishman toy and wound it up, it would be Spencer Brown. From Londontown. He blushes. He's in. Rob Deb from London (he says he's from somewhere else, but I go by the title card), who is chubby and wears glasses, says he's from Harry Potter And The Table Of Pies. Ant says that's bad. As an aside, he tells the camera that the British are very polite when told they absolutely suck. Obligatory montage of Brits being told they suck. And answering politely. They are so nice and adorable! I want to just put them in my pocket and bring them home and then make them clean my house and wash my shit for the rest of my life. That would so rule.