Last Comic Standing
Tempe Auditions

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Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Tempe Auditions

I was really dreading this episode because last week's show was so terrible! It wasn't funny at all, and what was with all the fireworks? I have to say, the nighttime auditions sponsored by Macy's were a new low. I hate when comics try to be funny by singing the national anthem.

Anyhoo, we begin with a Voice-Over By Bellamy in which he says we've all been waiting for this. Define "we." It's time for the best of the best! Funniest comic in the world! Within narrowly defined parameters! We've been everywhere! We see flashbacks of past auditions -- some all right, some gawdawful. Tonight we're going to Tempe, Arizona! Yes...Tempe! That...hotbed...of, uh, comedic...talent. Really dig that Tempe comedy scene. You can really tell when somebody's good because they've got that Tempe sense of humor. (Sigh.) Tempe. Thirty-two comics will compete in the semi-finals for a shot at glory. Here -- have an opening-credit montage, sans credits.

Lame stock footage of cactus and airplanes flying overhead. The Bellamy, wearing a jacket and a blinding striped red-white-and-blue shirt, is in the desert. Or the part of the desert that can be faked on the side of the road with a minimal film crew. Bellamy walks to reveal a town car with the hood up, as if he's stranded in the desert. He patters about the show sparing no expense. Oh, Bellamy. I just want to rescue you from all this. Bellamy bellows, "We're all first-class, baby!" Then he turns around and has a mock-fit, exclaiming that this never happens to Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest has ratings, dude.

I got confused for a second because I thought auditions were over, but people are lined up around a circular building, they're trying to get a spot in the semi-finals. Bellamy says that these people have been camped out in the hot sun for days. I have a bit of advice my high-school valedictorian gave us that has always inspired me: go back. (Ha!) Bellamy says that everyone is auditioning. Alonzo crawls out of a red tent and yawns, pretending like he's there to audition. I want to take Bellamy and Alonzo out to the nearest bar and buy them a round of shame. Alonzo says that the energy is good in Tempe, and that this is gonna be a "big one." Just as he says that, a pink-shirted, itsy-bitsy Ant emerges from the same tent, stretching. So awful. Kathleen emerges from the tent and makes it not so bad. For some reason, she and Ant both think this particular sunny setting will bring out the funny. Sunny does not equal funny, sorry to say.

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Last Comic Standing

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