Launch My Line

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Sara M: C | Grade It Now!
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Big Merles Don't Cry

With two hours to go, it's time to get the models into hair and makeup. Since it's the season finale, Product Placement guy himself has stopped by to "consult" with each team on what they want for their models' hair. Product Placement guy and his giant veneers stops by all the stations to ask the designers what kind of look they're going for with their lines.

Suddenly, there are only 20 minutes left. Teams put the finishing touches on everything, with Galina yelling at the models to shave their legs. Because that's important. Not the clothes, but the model's leg hair. As the clock ticks down for the last time, the models line up for Merle and DJ Eric while Kathy's team is still trying to sew. But then! Merle notices that one of her models, who is wearing the ruffle dress, is missing! Could it be that Kathy killed her to get back at Merle for giving Jim "car trouble"? No, she's just with Thai, who is still sewing ruffles onto her dress. With five minutes to go. But he's Thai, who can probably sew together an entire wardrobe in five minutes, so finishing a dress in that time is easy. When the clock hits zero, Galina dramatically collapses on the table to get some last-minute camera time.

The audience arrives at the final fashion show. It's a star-studded crowd tonight! Why, there's Lou Rawls's daughter! And Jaime Pressly, probably to support DJ Eric, who is the father of her child. Also Jenny Shimizu, best known for claiming to have affairs with famous women. She also works on some Bravo series, as does fellow audience member Jonathan "Failing Upwards" Antin. Oh, and Kara Saun decided to stop by again, albeit in the same outfit she wore when she appeared a few episodes back. And hooray! Lady Jumpsuit returns! She says it's weird to be in this room and not standing on the stage "being told how bad I was." And let us not forget Doofy Kevin: "if you ain't got no popcorn, you missing the tree here." Okay, let us forget him now. Forever.

DSquared2 take the stage in their ugly white tuxedoes to welcome the crowd and get things started. They take their seats, and Merle steps out on stage to say some bullshit about how "fashion should come from the inside out" and reveal one's true self. If that's true, then Merle's true self is petty and bitter and a bitch behind people's backs. At least, that's what this show about fashion revealed to me. Merle's show begins. First out is the pocket outfit, which has a skirt with a pocket in the hem that can be removed and turned into a purse. That's cool, although I can't really think of any occasion where I would suddenly need a purse and so must remove part of my skirt to get it or vice versa. Also, it's not a purse so much as a fanny pack. That is never cool. Merle's ruffle dress looks nice and simple and the hem detaches to make it shorter for those occasions when you're going to one of DJ Eric's clubs but forgot to wear your skank dress. Merle voiceovers that having her own clothing line would mean everything to her, and she doesn't know why she didn't just become a fashion designer in the first place. Merle's evening gown is a nice, layered piece made with gold sequins that I thought would look ugly but actually looks pretty awesome on the runway. The bottom unzips to create a shorter dress, something she's done in three of her dresses now. As all the models walk out one last time, Merle voiceovers "welcome to my world." It's a very brown world, too.

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Launch My Line

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