Launch My Line

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Balk at the Mild Side

The contestants arrive at the studio and enjoy a tasty breakfast and some bitchiness care of Merle, who asks Lady Jumpsuit why the judges hate her designs so much. "They're not getting it," Lady Jumpsuit says, adding that that's been a problem for most of her life. At what point does it stop being everyone else's fault for not getting you and your fault for being really annoying with bad taste in clothes? DSquared2 wander in and do not partake of any of the breakfast foods so that they may keep their lollipop figures. DSquared2 warn the contestants that they need to start making things that "people want to buy," Lady Jumpsuit. Because most people buy hastily-made pieces of crap (let's face it, Forever 21 is popular for a reason), they're going to give the teams just 28 hours to create their next design, which must be a "one-piece outfit" that is not a dress. You mean like the WOOL BATHING SUIT atrocity the architect made last week? And now they want everyone to make one? What a great idea. Lady Jumpsuit is excited about this because jumpsuits are one-piece outfits and jumpsuits are her "signature." I work at home, so my signature look is pajama pants and a sweatshirt. Which is better than Lady Jumpsuit's. I'm proud to be more fashionable than at least one person on this planet.

DSquared2 take the contestants outside for a "walk on the wild side." By which they apparently mean a picnic. Each contestant takes a basket in which they find various food items. Oh, and the Dandy gets two mice. The look on his face at this is amazing. L. Marilyn gets crickets and is even less pleased. DSquared2 leave and return with a bunch of exotic animals they apparently stole from the LA Zoo. One of them is a snake, which the Dandy does not like one bit. Even worse than the snake, though, is the tarantula, as Lady Jumpsuit points out. On this point, she and I agree. Although I have to wonder if the reason why she doesn't like tarantulas is that they have eight legs and thus look terrible in jumpsuits. Meanwhile, DSquared2 get to hang out with a cute baby zebra. No spiders for them! They say that the stuff in the contestants' baskets match what these animals eat. So Louanna, who got bananas, is paired with an adorable capuchin monkey. Merle's kale goes with a tortoise. Dandy's mice go with the snake. "Of course," Dandy sighs. Kathy's carrots go with the li'l zebra. Kevin's oats go with the llama. Lady Jumpsuit's dried apples go with the chinchilla. DJ Eric's grapes go with the toucan. I'm sorry, but that's wrong. Everyone knows that toucans only eat Froot Loops. L. Marilyn's crickets go with the tarantula. Well, that sucks for L. Marilyn. Oh, except that they don't have to feed their animals because PETA would have a shit fit over mice being fed to a python on TV. As last week's winner, DJ Eric is allowed to switch his animal with someone else's if he wants. Galina isn't around to tell him what to do, so he stays with the toucan.

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Launch My Line




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