As the camera moves on to Stabler and Munch's table, we hear one perv -- let's call him "Humbert Humbert" -- discussing the merits of "the shopping-bag cam," which peers up girls' skirts. Another pederast -- we'll refer to him as "Coach" -- introduces Stabler to another pervert, who I'll dub "Scoutmaster." Scoutmaster met Coach at "Holiday on Ice." Munch, who is enjoying being Honorary Perv for the evening just a little too much, says, "I prefer gymnastics myself -- the girls are younger, the outfits tighter." "The Swedish horse, don't get me started," says yet another perv, who -- okay, okay, we can call him "The King of Pop." At another table, the Yachtsman is talking to "Uncle Tickly" about one of his little friends. "You were with that little redhead -- what was her name? Astrid?" asks the Yachtsman. "Astrid Brooks," says Uncle Tickly. "Sweet sixteen and the hottest babe I ever had, and if I never hear her name again I'll die a happy man." King of Pop is telling his heartbreak story: "She got her driver's license, and it was then that I learned that I was just a glorified taxi service. Sally Ashton." Coach laughs: "I had this girl Pauline, Pauline Drake -- all she wanted was beer and R-rated movies." "She lived in Co-op City, didn't she?" asks the Yachtsman. "Yeah," says Coach. Jeez, guys, would you mind spelling the girls' names out for us? Oh yeah, and maybe rattling off their Social Security numbers too? Thanks. In the next room, Benson listens through headphones and writes down girls' names as fast as she can, with pens in both hands and also one stuck between the toes of her right foot. Well, practically. Cragen decides to wait a few more minutes before the bust, because Uncle Tickly has only gotten up to the Rs in his list of teenybopper girlfriends.
Back in the banquet room, the Yachtsman stands up and thanks everyone for coming. "It's always nice to be among like-minded people," he says, offering a toast. "To Greek philosophers," says Munch. Heh. "Hear, hear!" say the pedophiles, raising their beers (aw, no Shirley Temples?). King of Pop says he has some "product" out in the car to sell. Uncle Tickly complains about the lousy quality of some home movies he bought. Suddenly Cragen, Benson, and Jeffries burst into the room. "Up against the wall! Now!" they shout, and set to work frisking the pervs. Munch is about to search a reluctant Scoutmaster. "FBI," growls Scoutmaster. "FBI -- or NAMBLA?" snorts Munch. Go Munch! He's the only one on the show who could ever pull off a snarky joke about NAMBLA. "Check my breast pocket," says Scoutmaster. Munch pulls a badge out of Scoutmaster's jacket and peers over his dark glasses at him in surprise.