Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Just the Phax, Ma'am

Jake's not exactly surprised to see Elliot and Olivia show up: "I was wondering when you'd get here," he says. Can you guess which detective says, "You're a steaming bag of crap that I would love to shove down a hole"? Although Olivia's not much less disgusted, calling Jake's site a "kiddie treasure map." Jake says he cautioned Eric against doing anything, and since pedophiles love to brag, he'd know. Jake and Elliot argue about pedophiles (Jake prefers "pedosexual") and deviants, with Jake drawing parallels to homosexuality once being thought of in the same light. Gay people don't have sex with children, says Elliot. "Neither do I," says Jake. Given that Jake admits to preferring "little angels" between the ages of three and nine, I'm not sure how Elliot kept from throwing Jake out the window when Jake asked to see pictures of his family. Maybe it was because he promised "not to drool."

Over at Eric's place, Sean and Dana are at each other's throats, since he doesn't believe that she doesn't know where he is. "What'd you do to turn your son into such a freak?" he yells. Forensics finds Corey's shirt with semen on it.

But the psychiatrist, after interviewing Corey again, is convinced the kid was coached. The new ADA is spitting fire, despite Olivia (and even Elliot) trying to point out this isn't a case that's going to hold up. "Just do your job and I'll do mine," she says, and she orders them to "squeeze the pedophile's mother until she pops."

Back at the station, the detectives learn that DNA shows the semen didn't come from Eric, but from Corey's father. Munch is going through the photos on Pediaphax, hoping to ID kids so parents can be alerted. He laments that a fresh batch has just gone up on the site, and when a picture of a young blonde girl flashes on the screen, Elliot freezes up and asks Munch to go with Olivia to talk to Corey's father. No can do, says Munch, who's chained to the desk by Cragen. That leaves Fin, who glares at the rat bastard Elliot.

But at least Fin gets to throw Sean around a little at the job site. Sean freaks when he finds out about the semen, and goes pale when he finds out it's his own. He says that after Eric started drinking (to cope), Dana blamed him, and his marriage went to hell. "Don't tell me you never self-served," he says to Fin. "Not in my son's shirt," says Fin. Fucking SERIOUSLY. Sean says the hamper was just in the bathroom, and the shirt was on top of the hamper. Yeah. Still. You know what else is in a bathroom? TOILET PAPER.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit




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