Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Episode Report Card
Daniel: C+ | 1 USERS: A+

Two boy scouts traipse through the woods, apparently doing really lousy on a troop scavenger hunt. And unless "beaten dead woman" is one of their listed items, they're not going to do any better. Although one of the kids is kind of excited at getting a chance to work on getting his first-aid badge. Only she's dead, so unless the scouts now offer a forensic pathology badge, he's shit out of luck there too.

Chester and Fin show up to find out that medical examiner Warner's not sure which of the blows or strangulations actually killed the woman. There's semen inside her too. A smashed cellphone nearby is testament to the woman's rage. Also? She has no lips. HER LIPS WERE RIPPED OFF. They could have left that one to my imagination, instead of holding up a couple of red strips in a Zip-Loc, for crying out loud. There's also a red baseball cap with a stylized C on it, probably from the perp.

The victim is Julie Donovan. Her father's at the morgue to make the ID. Before seeing the body, though, he's in denial that it could possibly be her, since she didn't have any enemies. Everyone liked her, which was in fact her problem, admits her dad, which seems to be code for "please don't make me admit my daughter slept around." Her father -- who played Murmur on The Sopranos -- was also chagrined that her daughter, when she turned 13, got into hip-hop, and, uh, black guys. That must have been one hell of a birthday party, Mr. Donovan. Naturally, he's sheepish in front of Fin that he wasn't thrilled about it, but says he told his daughter if she kept her grades up, he didn't care whom she hung with. So: body uncovered, Murmur starts to wail. Warner picks an inopportune time to stroll in and say they got a hit on the DNA, because Murmur goes nuts and demands to know who killed his daughter. When you introduce a father blinded with rage in the first act, you know he's going to go off in the third act. Well, later in the first act, actually.

The DNA belongs to a guy named Mike Kona, who's got two burglaries and a rape charge to his name, although the rape charge was dropped. He's an Ultimate Fighter, or whatever the non-trademark-infringing name they have for it in the Manhattan of the SVU world. (Also, they fight in a hexagon, not an octagon. Have some fun with it! Have them fight in trapezoid! Or a rhombus!) Chester's a big fan of mixed-martial arts -- because he used to take on all comers in the parallelogram as...wait for it...Naptime! Fin understandably, if insufficiently, busts on Chester for such a ridiculous stage name, and Chester has to explain that it was because his left hook or right cross or whatever the hell would put you to sleep (Fin figured it was his "boring stories" put everyone to sleep). It's only due to a torn ACL that Chester joined the force instead of turning pro. Anyway, Chester says there's only one mixed-martial arts gym in Manhattan, and his grandfather built it.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit




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