Enter Benson 'n' Stabler. Exit Holy Junior. Benson reports that Brad Weber's alibi checks out; Munch adds that the hotel staff alibis do too, like we were really wondering. "Security guy told us about a burglar who's hitting the big hotels," says Benson. Stabler adds that the police already has a robbery task force on it. "What, burglaries aren't sex crimes?" asks Munch. Man, he's got a point, because so far this season they've discovered that money-laundering is a sex crime, and real-estate swindles are sex crimes, and mob hits are sex crimes, and elaborate cover-ups by American aristocracy are sex crimes, and -- well, you get the idea. Benson gives Little Briscoe a big honking box. "Go through this box of security videotapes and check 'em out like a good man," she says. "There's no time stamps. Have fun!" Little Briscoe is about watch hours and hours of beautiful New York people doing nothing in particular and talking about really stupid mundane things. He's about to discover what it was like to recap Wasteland.
Over at the "Sussex" Hotel, Stabler and Benson talk to the woman whose room was robbed by the Hotel Burglar. She says that she came back to her room to discover her safe was cleaned out and her jewelry was gone. "But what really bothered me," she says, "was something the other detectives dismissed as an idiosyncrasy." "What was that?" asks Stabler. "The burglar masturbated in my underwear," she says. "Now they're sitting in some evidence lock-up somewhere. Not that I want them back, though." She has one hell of a "not-so-fresh feeling." After some more questions, Underwear Lady mentions seeing some guy in a red baseball cap who always seemed to be in the lobby reading the paper. "We rode the elevator up once -- he creeped me out bad," she recalls, and she said she always recognized the baseball cap. "I'd thought, 'some men never grow up,'" she says. Mmm-hmm, sistah!
Chung-chung! to the 31st Precinct Burglary Task Force. Benson and Stabler think the top Burglary Cop is a big fat meanie for not calling them when the case of the hotel thief got, you know, stickier. "It's a standard set of robberies," Big Bad Burglary Cop snorts. "You think all these guys are rapists in training." Stabler and Benson bitch him out for labeling the hotel guy as a "no threat" when it was pretty clear he was going to hurt someone. "Now a woman's dead because you wanted to protect your collar," says Benson, in a "so there, you big doodyhead!" tone of voice. She and Stabler stomp out. Big Bad Burglary Cop follows them out to the front steps of the station. "So nobody called you! So nobody wants to call you, ever! You know, you guys are up to your necks in perversity twenty-four-seven!" Oh, so they're the ones that pitched the idea for Making the Band. "My people don't want whatever it is you got," says Burglary Cop, like, ooh-ooh, the SVU got pervert cooties! "Ten bucks says the only cops that'll hang out with you are Brooklyn SVU," he says. "You lose," says Stabler, "Bronx SVU." Aw, Stabler -- me and Pooh and Sars will let you sit at OUR lunch table. Meanwhile Benson has just gotten off the cell phone where she was talking to 1-800-PLOT-POINT. "The victim was pregnant," she tells Stabler. "Hey, whaddya know -- double homicide," quips Stabler, as he shoots Burglary Cop the stink-eye. Ooh, he's sorry now.