Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

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Time again to see what's up at the Think-Out-Loud-Tank of the SVU: No one thinks Brad's a suspect, since his DNA came up negative. Munch thinks that since the college is a family business, the Holy family might be dysfunctional. Stabler thinks that Mrs. Holy is "the glue that holds the family together." Benson thinks that it'll be tough getting DNA samples from the Holys. Cragen thinks they should bring in Mrs. Holy for questioning. "It's time we found out just how strong this glue is," he says.

Benson leads a zombie-like Mrs. Holy into Cragen's office and offers her a seat. It would appear that the glue is really strong, and that Mrs. Holy has been sniffing it. Benson asks Mrs. Holy about Sylvia's and Junior's marriage. "A marriage is a working partnership," says Mrs. Holy, "consecrated by our Lord." "Okay!" says Benson, in a tone of voice that is cocktail-party code for "now I must run away!" But here she has to stick around. "So Sylvia Hadley was faithful?" asks Benson. "She was -- faithful to all of us," she says. Benson smells the weirdness, and asks Mrs. Holy about Sylvia's pregnancy. Mrs. Holy's face freezes into the grimacing perma-smile of codependency. She says she didn't know about the pregnancy, and Junior wouldn't have known either. "Oh God, I prayed for forgiveness. I forgave him -- how could this have happened? How could he have done this?" Benson doesn't get it. "How could your son have done what, Mrs. Hadley?" "Not my son," says Mrs. Holy, "my husband. He had an affair for two years with Sylvia." The music swells! Hear the twisted chords of the Incest Theme!

The SVU decides to round up Dr. Holy and Holy Junior and question them separately. Dr. Holy sits around and refuses to speaketh until his lawyer arrives. "That's fine by me, anyway, your DNA is going to corroborate your wife's story," says Benson, casually. "What . . . story?" says Dr. Holy. He's beginning to freaketh out! But just then Munch calls Stabler and Benson out of the room. "The kid's got something interesting," he says. The kid? Why it's -- Little Briscoe! "You're not going to believe how wild those videotapes are!" he says, like he's Bob Saget. Nobody cares. Little Briscoe tells everyone how he had to refer to the hotel schedule and watch for visual clues in order to figure out the time of day on the tape. "In the evening on Friday, there was a Girl Scout meeting, Sunday morning, the cardiologist's convention checks out, and that afternoon, these wedding guests arrive -- you can tell, because they all got these neat welcome baskets loaded down with Maker's Mark --" Everyone's eyes begin to glaze over. Finally Little Briscoe gets to the point and pulls out a photo. "My best guess is this guy was on the elevator on Sunday between 4:00 and 6:00 p.m. -- next to him," he points out, "is a guy with a bottle of Maker's Mark!" Go, Little Briscoe! He nabs a product placement AND a suspect! (Okay, technically, you can't have a product placement for liquor. That's why they put it in a scene with a CRIMINAL. See how it works?) So who was in the elevator? Holy Junior. And boy, does he look like he could've relaxed with a smooth, mellow, premium aged whisky.

"Ben Junior wasn't in Baltimore," says Benson. They bring in an ADA, and the entire squad does a merry Balalaika dance as evidence mounts against Holy Junior. "He bought an 11:00 a.m. Baltimore-to-New York express train ticket!" says Stabler. Stomp-stomp, hey! "An ATM withdrawal at Times Square Sunday night!" says Benson. Stomp, hey! Stomp! "Here's a photo of him in the lobby!" says Jeffries. Hey! Hey! Stomp-stomp-stomp! "What's your theory?" asks the ADA. Stabler blames Those Wacky Financial Shenanigans and thinks Sylvia tried to blackmail the Holys. But Cragen thinks Sylvia wanted to blow the whistle on aforementioned Wacky Financial Shenanigans. The ADA guy asks, "Where's the sex crime in this?" Hello! THANK YOU! Benson explains, duh, "she had sex before dying, not necessarily rape." Oh -- so by "sex crime" they actually mean: "Sex!" "Crime!" Okay, so what if Sylvia also had, say, a sandwich before dying? What would that mean, huh? Would there be a separate Sandwich Crimes Unit or what? But I digress. Benson hands the ADA a folder with DNA results. ADA raises his eyebrows. "Talk about Old Testament," he says. Swarms of locusts descend. Oh, okay, so they don't.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

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