Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Stocks & Bondage

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Stocks & Bondage

Shout-outs to Leener, Sars, and Rona.

Also, a big, wet, juicy, tie your mother down, give me all your love tonight Happy Birthday shout-out to Chris Meloni, who celebrated his natal anniversary on April second.

And so it begins in an apartment, where in a mirror we see a robed body with long blonde hair. Benson enters the room and the M.E. guy tells her that the victim, Layla Briggs, hanged herself from her bed. Huh? Oh, right, it's a big ol' four post canopy job. Whatever. Anyway, he takes off the robe as the camera follows Benson around the room, so that we see Layla's back and Benson sees her front. There are scars and welts and burns (oh my!) all over the victim's back, and I guess the opposite view is rather colorful, because Benson wonders aloud, "Is there anything she didn't pierce?" The M.E. figures she's got "so much steel in her, it must set off metal detectors." "Not to mention the burn marks," replies Benson. My boyfriend Elliot Stabler theorizes that they "could be self-inflicted," as the camera finally finds his fabulous form. Hi, honey! He wonders if they have any reason to believe this isn't a suicide. M.E. Boy tells them the robe was tied over Layla's folded arms. Stabler doesn't see the difficulty in that, and Benson is all, "Wait. The robe was open; did you open it?" M.E. Boy apparently missed the day in M.E. school where they talked about not disrupting a potential crime scene, because his feeble, whiny reply is that he "was told it was a suicide. [He] had to examine the body." Even the victim is rolling her eyes at this one, as we see the left half of her dead-ass face every time the camera cuts to Stabler. Stabler asks another cop if any of his men disturbed the body. Copper man says his first instinct was suicide, and he called the SVU as soon as he thought otherwise. Benson and Stabler are justifiably pissed. Roll skeevy credits.

After the break we're in the squad room, where Munch and Cassidy are coming down the stairs. When did they get stairs? Anyway, Cassidy "[doesn't] get S&M. I mean, 'hurt me; it turns me on.' What's up with that?" Munch sees Benson and Stabler coming into room and informs his young partner that "it starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked." Yeah, can I get an official timeline on that? Cuz I'd like to plan. Stabler smiles at this remark and puts his arm around Cassidy's shoulders (sigh) while the showing off the tat on the inside of his other forearm as Cassidy plays along: "Yeah, tattoos are just the gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend." "You guys finally figured me out, huh?" Jeffries joins in the fun, grabbing Stabler's arm (swoon!) and asking, "Seriously, did you get off on the tiny little pin pricks of pain?" "No, I get that from working with you," he replies with a mischievous grin. Okay, hands up. Who wants to be Michelle Hurd after watching that exchange? That's what I thought. Back to business. Cragen walks in with a file and tells Benson that in her preliminary report on the Briggs case, she "omitted a suspected cause of incident." Benson explains, "The first flush COD was death by hanging, but there were so many irregularities that we wanted to wait and talk to the M.E." Cragen: "Homicide or suicide?" Stabler: "Need more info. They had a baby M.E. at the scene and he disrobed the body." Cragen shakes his head in disbelief at this notion. Benson informs him about the "many self-inflicted wounds, or at least willingly endured wounds." "Which raises the possibility this is neither suicide nor homicide," finishes Stabler. Cragen thinks the rough sex gone wrong theory sounds like something one would hear from a defense attorney. Benson's all, "It happens. This girl was into some serious periphilia -- she was pierced from head to toe." We learn that she was also an investment analyst on Wall Street, and when Munch observes that "those two worlds overlap more than you'd think," we get Munch's Act One Conspiracy Theory of the Week: "The all-consuming obsession to destroy political competitors is no different than the compulsion to harm one's fellow man." Um, okay. Cragen dispatches Stabler and Benson to talk to the victim's family, and Munch and Cassidy to find out where she worked. I guess Jeffries will stay behind and do research.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

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