Life on Mars

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Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
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Mama Mia!

Which Sam manages to do, much to Rose's surprise and mild alarm. "I told you nothing happen," she stammers with an increasingly degree of panic, closing the door in Sam's face like he's selling magazine subscriptions door-to-door at a ridiculous markup. "I don't need any help." Even with Profaci released and out on the street? Well, that opens the door right the heck up. Rose invites Sam in, apologizing for the mess her young son has made of the place. Perhaps, Detective Tyler, it is you who should be apologizing to her. Sam nervously wonders where the younger him is right now. And for good reason -- I know the missus gave us all some valuable lessons about time-travel paradoxes last week, but I think we all know that if you travel back in time and run into a younger version of you, one of you will cease to exist likely by the other's hand. THIS IS A MEDICALLY PROVEN FACT! What do you think happened to Neve Campbell? Anyhow, Li'l Sam is asleep right now, sparing us all the sight of him and Sam trying to stab each other in the heart with a tinker toy since there can be only one.

That potentially awkward scene avoided, we move on to another area where Sam must tread lightly -- Rose thanks him for his help early and asks what his name is. "Sky," Sam stammers. "Walker. Luke Skywalker." Judging by his eye roll, Sam agrees with me that his alias-conjuring abilities are wanting. Me, if I had to come up with a name on the fly based on popular culture, I'd go with Richard Blaine. Either that, or I'd just use Edward Tunbridge, which also doubles as my porn name. Rose comments that Luke Skywalker is an unusual name. "My family has Navajo roots," Sam offers lamely. That'd be Tatooine-based Navajos, I guess. Anyhow, Rose comments on how her son will be disappointed that he missed meeting an actual police officer since that's what he wants to be when he grows up. "He will be," Sam says with uncommon assurance. Anyhow, here's the skinny on Rose Tyler -- she's only lived at this address for a few months, what on account of the man of the house's erratic work history. And she's got Profaci breathing down her neck because money was a little tight a while back, so she went to a loan shark. And now that loan shark -- who works for Profaci -- would like that debt repaid in full. If you're shaking your head at Rose's poor judgment, know that she did it only because her husband spends so much time on the road, and she thought that if they had a little extra cash on hand, maybe he could stay around more and be a father to Li'l Sam. Hearing this, Sam tries not to look guilty. He fails. "So how are you?" Sam asks plaintively. "How is everything?" Sam's questions puzzle and confuse Rose, who doesn't quite see what this has to do with the matter at hand. "That's a very odd question, Detective Skywalker," she says. Sam apologizes: "It's been a very odd day." Li'l Sam calls out from the other room, causing our detective to beat a hasty retreat. Let's not make this day any odder.

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Life on Mars

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