Life on Mars

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now!
That '70s Show

After a judicious cutaway to the hallway outside the perp's apartment and a battering ram to the door, the good guys are prepared to do just that -- only our suspect, one Colin Raimes, is not at home at present. Inconveniently, he's returning from the grocery store, and the presence of all those police officers streaming into his apartment with guns drawn convinces him that it's probably best to turn and run, so he leaps out of a window to freedom. One might construe that to be an admission of guilt. Sam doesn't stop to contemplate the implications of Colin's flight -- he takes off after him, and not two minutes into this show's run, we have our very first chase scene. Fences are hopped; pursuing officers are kicked in the face; Chris Cornell songs are played. Finally, Sam leaps on Colin, tackling him into a collection of trash cans. After avoiding a trash-can lid to the skull -- and putting up with taunts from pint-sized onlookers screaming for Colin to "smash his face in" and "kill the pig, freak show" -- Sam manages to subdue Colin and slap some cuffs on him. So that's that, then?

Not exactly. Down at the 125th Precinct, things are not going as planned with Colin Raimes' post-arrest interrogation. Oh, they've got the goods on Colin, who sort of looks like a gone-to-seed version of David Caruso. There're photos of the strangled victim, which Sam helpfully flings at Colin, and a mysterious fiber found under the victim's fingernail. Then there's the small matter of Colin's diary, which Maya offers a dramatic reading from -- unfortunately, for Colin, it does not center around a poem he wrote about his cats. "I killed her," Maya reads from the diary. "I left her shirt for them to find. Held her for 30 hours, just the same way. She's been killed. I enjoyed killing her. It was more fun than marbles." Uh... my client was speaking metaphorically, officer? "I like marbles," Colin concedes. So much for metaphors then. But it turns out Colin may not have to use the If I Did It And I'm Not Saying I Did defense -- Colin's attorney asks for the exact time that the woman in question was abducted. Approximately 11 p.m., Maya offers. Then, Colin's attorney would like to draw your attention to some surveillance tapes from an Atlantic City casino at the time of the abduction -- a gentleman who looks exactly like Colin appears to be enjoying himself at the craps tables, which he will continue to do for the next several hours. "Looks like this marble," our little David Caruso look-a-like says, as he puts on his sunglasses, "is about to roll free." Then "Won't Get Fooled Again" kicks into high gear. Well... not really. Not at all, actually. But wouldn't it be cool if it did?

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Life on Mars




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