Life on Mars

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: B | Grade It Now!
You Better Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Based on her information, the detectives are soon speeding toward a warehouse-heavy district of New York, where the remnants of the Kim Trent Gang are busy loading crates off a truck. It's worth noting that the Faux Cops who pulled off the heists with Trent are still wearing their purloined uniforms. You have to admire their commitment to staying in character -- well, at least until Hunt & Company roll up onto the scene. Then, they go positively jelly-legged. As would you if you had Harvey Keitel growling, "You are surrounded by armed bastards" as he pointed the business end of a service revolver in your general direction.

Of course, after a brief pause for these commercial announcements, two of the goons holding up a crate begin to loose their grip -- hey, you try holding cargo for a series of 30-second ad spots -- and in the ensuing confusion, one of the Faux Cops takes off running. Grab your track shoes, grandma, 'cause we got ourselves a footchase. A chase-a-roo. Yo, chase scene... you know what? I think I'll drop it for now. Anyhow, Sam takes off after him while "All the Way to Memphis" cranks up on the soundtrack. Run, pant, climb, catch -- Sam manages to trap the Faux Cop as he's trying to scale his way up a fence. My goodness -- could this be the first time in recorded history where a Sam Tyler Footchase (trademark pending) doesn't end with our favorite detective being manhandled in some way? Alas, no. Because as he's got the Faux Cop cornered, a bunch of squad cars full of Real Cops pull up and, seeing a man in a uniform cornered by a guy with a gun, naturally conclude that Sam is the baddie in this particular relationship. Pummel-Fu! Pummel-rama! Pumm... you know, I'll work this out on my own time. Faux Cop, not believing his good fortune begins to casually make his getaway, while Sam continues the leitmotif of tonight's episode by screaming, "I'm real, he's not." You know what I've often found can easily solve these existential crises? Gene Hunt's Fist o' Justice, which is presently knocking Faux Cop cross-eyed. "Real cops don't run away," Hunt explains. They just keep running. Hunt shouts out his name and his precinct while flashing his badge at the confused squadron of real cops. "Kindly get off of my man," he orders. Aw, but we were having such fun pounding on him.

Back at the warehouse, Trent's henchmen have been subdued, kidney-punched, and loaded into a van for more discrete beatings elsewhere, and the detectives are busy putting the final pieces of this caper into place. "This is why Trent's crew hit so many check-cashing stores so quick," Sam explains to Hunt. "He needed cash because there was a shipment on the way." Sounds lucrative -- has anyone suggested this plan to Henry Paulson? It could fix our credit crunch problems lickety split. But Trent had a vastly different need for instant liquidity -- he was importing heroin, if the contents of the crates are anything to go by. But Sam notices something else in the crate -- toy Mars rover not unlike the one that's been shadowing him for large swaths of this episode. Let's chew on that one together while the sound of a respirator dominates the soundtrack.

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Life on Mars




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