Life Unexpected

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Jeff Long: A- | Grade It Now!
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Biting The Mic That Feeds You

It's morning and there's bouncy music as Cate and Ryan faux hate each other on the radio. Cate suggests that Ryan believes that if a man is in his 30's and single, he has standards; while if a woman is in her 30's and single, she is somehow damaged. He corrects her -- he believes that all women in their 30's have issues. I get the whole psychology behind trophy brides now. Keep them until they're 30. Thanks, Ryan. He points out that Alice, their producer, is married and "just as screwed up" as Cate. I'd ask for clarification on what "screwed up" entails, but why bother. FYI, Ryan is the weak link on this show. Of course, Alice kind of proves his point by neurotically saying that marriage is hard and you never have sex.

Cut to Baze, who is working at his dinner table. "Pathetic," he declares. I thought he was talking about what's on the radio, but he's really talking about his bank balance that he's checking on the internet. He tells Jamie, who is practicing his morning apparitions in the kitchen, that they need to find a way to get people into his bar. He tells Jamie that Lux pilfered her savings for him and even sold the bong lamp he gave her. Jamie laments the departure of the bong lamp. We'll all miss it, Jamie. Stay strong. Baze considers getting a mechanical bull as an attraction for the bar. Jamie does not agree.

Alice is still ranting. She says that single people don't know how easy they have it. Ryan disagrees. He says that Cate dates so often, she hasn't paid for dinner since the late '90s. She says that he's just bitter because he's buying too many dinners and not enough breakfasts. Wait, he's agreeing with Alice. I'm sorry, this banter belongs in the late '90s, when it was still relatively fresh. Cate says that dating is the worst -- the small talk and small penises.

Baze finds an odd website on his computer and asks if Math has been using it. Jamie hopes that it's not Math's lit-porn and reminds Baze of "hot girls for deep Dickens." Weird. Baze says that it's Cate and Ryan's "Drink-A-Date" site, evidence of Math's high school crush on Cate. Jamie declares that they need to get Math laid. Baze notices that the Drink-A-Date event is going to be held at Garrett's, across the street from his bar. He's furious that they wouldn't have it at his place. That is kinda rude, when they're right next to each other.

On the radio, Cate and Ryan are telling their listeners how much fun the Drink-A-Date is going to be. Ryan says that it combines speed dating and speed drinking. He forgot to say assault. That's the recipe, right?

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Life Unexpected

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