Life Unexpected
Bride Unbridled

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
Bride Wars
kend. Baze decides to make an appearance at the bridal expo. Because that's totally the "bigger man" thing to do. This is going to turn out well!

Expo. Cate's producer is now forcing her to try on wedding gowns for a marketing photo. Cate holds back tears as she changes from one dress to another and starts ranting that she's not meant to be a cake-tasting, wedding-dress-shopping kind of girl. Now she'll just have to learn how to be okay with that. She opens up the curtains to reveal herself in a dress that I think is kind of amazing looking on her. But apparently I've been watching too much Say Yes to the Dress (that one lady's lips are spellbinding!) because Cate's producer calls it an "albino mermaid" nightmare and throws any old dress back at her before storming out.

Out in the hall, Baze and Math have arrived. They make a beeline for the K100 booth to ask where Cate is. Along the way, Baze introduces himself to the man at the booth, who says that Baze is becoming a network staple after last week's car contest shenanigans. He calls up another K100 planner on his walkie talkie and tells her to nix the super fans because he's "got something much better."

Elsewhere, Jones finally pulls up to his destination. Lux takes in the modest home with a play set outside. She sarcastically asks if Jones has brought her to meet his grandparents. Instead, Tasha emerges from the house. She and Lux run toward each other and hug happily. Jones says he called Tasha to arrange their meet-up, then teases they can still hit up the malt shop if she'd like. Lux continues hugging Tasha as she looks at Jones with sincere appreciation. He smiles back at her.

Back at the expo, Cate tries on another dress -- strapless with delicate lace detailing on the top and an elaborate button-up back. She calls out for someone to help her fasten it up, and guess who's conveniently, bittersweetly nearby. Ryan. He closes up the dress and tells her this is exactly how he imagined she would look at their wedding. He says he's glad he got to see it. She smirks that now he can go back to hating her. He gently caresses her upper arm as he tells her he doesn't hate her. He's just trying to get through the day, too. She sees that he's vulnerable and starts a slow advance, suggesting that, if they can pretend that nothing happened for the world they can also pretend it for themselves. He isn't ready to give in that easily, but he lets her keep moving her face closer to his. They get closer and closer to kissing, and then the producer busts in to tell them to hurry up for their photo opp. Cate tries to cling on to Ryan, but he tells her they'll talk later and walks off. The producer asks Cate if she's okay before handing her a marabou nightmare (shawl?) and ominously assuring her that she had nothing to do with picking out the contestants for their next appearance. "What contestants?" asks Cate. The producer deflects, "And you look so pretty!"

Out on stage, the "Nearly Wed Game" begins. Ryan and Cate will have to prove how well they know each other. But first, what about those contestants? As you could have easily guessed, it's "Cate's high school stalker" Math and "Cate's high school crush" Baze. So much for the reconciliation. Ryan is nothing but a tuxedo-clad open wound at this point. As Baze pulls Cate into him territorially and smugs that he loves these contests, it's obvious Cate is no happier about this development than Ryan. Baze takes his seat next to a fuming Ryan and hoots childishly into his opponent's ear. Commercials.

As the game gets going, the announcer reminds the audience, "Just because they look like the perfect couple doesn't mean they are." As he chats up the audience, Cate's producer tries to scamper across the stage, only to be caught in Cate's griffon-like talons. She tells her she was doing well keeping it together until this happened, now all bets are off. The producer preemptively takes the mic from the conniving emcee and decides to run the contest herself. She promises it will be brief. As she asks the first question, Baze calls out Ryan for butting in on his bond with Lux. "What's next," he asks, "a starter home?" Ryan looks perplexed. The producer tells them to stop the side chat and write down their answers -- to the question they didn't hear because they were too busy having a slap fight like little girls. Of course Math heard the question. He's going to sweep this thing.

Somewhere, three hours away, Tasha affirms that her new parents just wanted a babysitter, and she and Lux reminisce about another set of horrible foster parents she once had. Tasha moves the conversation along to Jones. Lux admits that Bug never would have done anything as thoughtful as this. Tasha says Bug would have driven her here... in a stolen car. She tells Lux that Bug called and left his number for Lux. But Lux hesitates at taking it. Tasha urges her to take it just in case she changes her mind.

We return to the Nearly Dead Game, and I was sadly mistaken about Math. He hasn't gotten a single question right. Ryan's gotten two right. Baze has somehow managed three. Next question: What is Cate's favorite song? Math takes a stab in the dark, guessing it is Vanessa Williams' timeless "Save the Best for Last," which Cate sang in a high school talent show sophomore year. Baze claims it's "Bitchin' Camaro," which is apparently an actual song by the Dead Milkmen (I prefer "Punk Rock Girl"). It's also a self-made opportunity for Baze to announce that his father bought him a bitchin' Camaro, then snarl under his breath that Ryan is some "freak fake step-father figure" who had no right to offer to buy Lux a car. Cate sees the tension rising and tells her producer to move things along. Ryan guesses "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds. And we have a winner! Or so says Cate, who has clearly scratched off her original answer and written in Ryan's so that she can be done with this shit show. She starts walking off the stage, making her best attempt to look dignified in marabou. It's a losing game, girl.

The producer stops her to say they must ask a tie-breaking question: What is your number one relationship dealbreaker? As they jot down their answers, Baze continues to stoke the fires in a side conversation with Ryan. Ryan clarifies that he wasn't buying Lux a new car, he was going to buy himself a new one and give Lux his old one. Baze says he's still out of line and that, furthermore, he has no right talking to Lux about boys. He lets slip that he made Jones ask Lux out. Ryan tells him it's going to come back to bite him in the ass. Baze doesn't care, though. He's on a rampage and doesn't mince words, telling Ryan that he'll be all up in Ryan's face as long as Ryan continues in his. With that, it's time to reveal the answers. Math, who honestly shouldn't even be answering this question seeing as he has zero points, stammers and rambles until the producer finally grabs his card. It reads, "The apocalypse." Moving on. Baze's card has a car with a prohibited sign over it, no explanation. The producer thinks he, like Math, may have misunderstood the questions. She says that Ryan can win simply by writing English words on paper. Of course, she doesn't realize what word -- singular -- he chose: Baze. Gasps from the crowd. It's like Springer up in here. Ryan storms out. Cate's marabou flutters from the cold breeze emanating off of him.

She follows him backstage, sans marabou thankfully. She assures Ryan that Baze is her dealbreaker, too. Baze interjects that Ryan needs to stop taking his anger out on Baze by sabotaging his relationship with Lux. Ryan calls Baze a sleazebag for sleeping with another man's fiancé. Baze finally blows the lid off the whole thing, telling Ryan he didn't even know Cate had a boyfriend and was only doing her a favor by keeping the whole thi

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Life Unexpected




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