Life Unexpected

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Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
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Across town, Lux is shooting soda into her mouth direct from the fountain. Cate calls her cell phone, relieved that she's safe. Lux acts all nonchalant, says stuff like this happens all the time... just usually with less blood. Not a comfort, Lux! As Lux talks on the phone, a man enters the bar. She tells him they're closed, but he keeps heading in. She and Cate hang up briefly, wherein Cate approaches the principal at her own former high school, Westmonte. Even though Cate was valedictorian in '94, the principle only remembers her as "Abbie's sister." Ouch. Cate wants to talk to her about enrolling a new student (Lux, presumably) to start the next day. The principal welcomes her in. Meanwhile, Lux has an unnecessarily vague exchange with the strange man. He's looking for Baze. Baze isn't in. The man leaves. On the way out the door, he says he's Baze's father. Lux looks stressed.

Elsewhere, Baze is wolfing down food at his parents' house while his mother folds the laundry. She says she hears Baze's dad, and Baze literally rips the half-folded jeans out of his mom's hands in an effort to bolt. Alas, he fails to make his exit before his father enters the room. Baze's dad asks if there's anything Baze might want to tell them about. Baze hems and haws about how he's late on the rent, but dad zeroes in on the Lux-colored elephant in the room. He says his secretary caught Cate's radio show this morning. This is news to Baze's mom, too. Did I mention Baze's dad has popped a beer. I'm assuming it's still about 9 AM. Nice. So Baze fills the 'rents in on the details. Then dad asks whether Baze even knew Cate was pregnant. He lies that he didn't. Then he tries to lighten the mood by reminding them they always said they wanted grandkids. Dad laughs, but it's less "I'm laughing because that joke was funny" and more "I'm laughing because your life is the joke, ya fuck-up!" He says Baze can't even pay rent, so how can he raise a child. Baze says he'll figure it out. Dad demands Lux and Cate join the whole Bazile family for dinner the next night. Baze says he's not into that idea, but dad says Baze no longer has the privilege of having an opinion. He's certain he'll have to bail him out like he has with everything else, including the bar. By this point, Baze has lost most of his fight. Then dad issues the knock-out judgment: "Here's a fact: You act like a kid, we'll treat you like one." Then he says he'll take back the bar if Baze doesn't show up to family with his illegitimate daughter and the bitch he knocked up in tow. Man, this dude seriously took "Prick Acting 101." He's a pro! Not a pro? These crappy new credits. It's like how somewhere in Season 3 or 4 of Felicity they replaced the awesome opening song with that crappy emo rock one. Except this show never even had the awesome breathy title song. Just this sad little guitar-plucking song about a "beautiful tree." Note to The CW, I think we'll take silence.

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Life Unexpected

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