Everyone weighs his or her options this week. For Cate, it's deciding whether to be likable or honest. It all starts when an Ice Queen from corporate comes to break the news that Cate's newly complex life is not going over well with listeners. She even brings along a handy dandy pie chart to track Cate's winsomeness. Yeah, it's a small pie chart. She decides to bring Baze onto the show for a morning to clear up any confusion about Cate's past, as well as to add some spice to the dull-as-dishwater rapport between Cate and Ryan of late. This is problematic on several levels. First off, Ryan is getting sick of Baze, who has shoehorned himself into their lives, even making unannounced overnight visits. Second, Cate is scrambling to make sure Ryan doesn't know about her and Baze's one-night stand. And finally, Baze has been goaded into seeking out new booty calls since Cate's the only girl he's been with since finding out about Lux. And who does the booty in question belong to? Yeah, that'd be Cate's boss. When you add that all up, it comes to one giant clusterfuck of a radio show. Lucky for Cate, it boosts ratings and keeps her job safe. On the flipside, a curious listener asks brings up the possibility of Cate and Baze hooking up past high school, and the awkward silence that ensues tips Ryan off that everything isn't exactly kosher. Cate resolves to tell him the truth but chickens out when it comes down to it, stopping short of admitting that she and Baze had sex in order to preserve her relationship. Putting a little icing on this shit pie, Cate sets the date for a wedding that is clearly in jeopardy of occurring at all should certain dirty laundry be aired. And it totally will.
Meanwhile, Bug must choose between his bike and his bitch. After his little joy ride with Jones's car last week, he's facing two years in prison. Lux tries to convince him to take a plea deal for six months, but he asks her to sweet talk Jones into dropping the charges. Jones agrees on the condition that he can have Bug's motorcycle, a.k.a. the only thing in the world that matters to him (save maybe Lux… maybe). Lux convinces Bug to hand over the bike for their relationship's sake. Eventually, she even manages to convince Jones to give it back to Bug after she shows Jones the house of horrors where Bug grew up. This new closeness is fraught, though, as Jones tries to kiss Lux (she pulls away), and Bug sees them riding the motorcycle together and assumes the worst. Long story short, Jones gets his clock cleaned, Bug gets his bike back, and Lux gets treated like garbage for mopping up everyone's mess. Bug tells her no one will ever love her because she's damaged goods. Cate gives Lux the piece of advice she really should have taken herself. She suggests Lux be honest with Bug about the non-kiss and demand to be treated better. Unlike her hypocrite of a mother, Lux actually takes the advice. It blows up in her face epically, and Bug skips town. Now Lux is left without the one thing in the world that mattered to her. You see, kids. So, to recap. Kate's a lying ho who gets to go to cake tastings. Lux stays true to herself and gets abandoned… again.
Previously: All the usual stuff, plus Bug got arrested for kinda-not really stealing a car.
Another dreary day in Portland. I think you can tell it's morning because it's even darker than usual. Cate and Ryan wake up with a morning-breath smooch at 4:45 a.m. She excuses herself to brush her teeth so they can have proper, non-stinky morning sex. Except when she walks into the bathroom, Baze is in there with pants dropped. Apparently he's been making a habit of staying overnight catching Lux up on the culture of the decade of her inception. Some time later, they head downstairs to make breakfast. Ryan is still (jealously) bitching about Baze's omnipresence as Lux explains why she's up so early -- she's heading to Bug's arraignment. Cate doesn't want her missing school, but Baze already said she could go. Lux senses the tension between Ryan and Cate, so she heads upstairs. Ryan takes the opportunity to say he'd like to see less of Baze around. Cate says she couldn't agree more.
Meanwhile, Baze returns to his apartment to find The Other One, who is bitching about how parenthood has killed Baze's game. He's gone from the short, white Wilt Chamberlain to Math apparently. And doesn't have any more meaningless sex, which is a sin against God, the great one who gave him a penis. Baze makes him promise not to tell Math before fessing up about his one-nighter with Cate after they found out about Lux. TOO thinks this was a horrible mistake. Not only has he been there, done that, it's also a minefield logistically-speaking if this news comes out. TOO thinks Baze has a thing for Cate, but Baze denies it. TOO challenges him to prove it by sleeping with someone else. Baze accepts the challenge.
Across town, speaking of minefields! Cate and Ryan take calls from listeners. The first caller sounds like an older lady, and she just can't get the sequence of Lux's conception into her thick skull, so Ryan takes another call to avoid talking about Baze. The next caller flirts with Ryan, insults Cate, and asks when the wedding is in about two seconds. Apropos of this last query, Cate goes into one of her tirades about how society pigeonholes women into boxes with its dates and deadlines... or something. Ryan shuts her up, thankfully, as the listener has hung up (or possibly died of boredom while still holding the phone).
Their radio program is playing in a diner where TOO is eying a girl for Baze. He barely takes a second look at the girl, prompting TOO to reassert his theory on Baze's "thing" (not as graphic as it sounds, my friends). Baze loudly proclaims that no one could have a thing for Cate. Just listen to her. The girl chips in that Cate is grating. "It's like seagulls fighting over a cheese sandwich," Baze shoots back (after a little push in the girl's direction from TOO). The girl is one cool character. She doesn't even give him a courtesy laugh, just icily appraises him: "Funny." Baze takes that as a cue to fall back on the clichéd "Do you come here often?" The Ice Queen calls him out for cruising her then clacks out on her stilettos. TOO orders "a Venti, no foam, no whip, not-gettin'-any for the big guy right here."
Elsewhere, Bug storms out of the courthouse with Lux and his public defender in tow. The PD wants him to take a plea deal for six months in jail (he's facing two years), but Bug doesn't think he should have to serve any time just because some brown-nosing pretty boy doesn't understand the difference between borrowing and stealing. You see, borrowing is when you don't ask to take something and don't tell anyone you're going to bring it back because you want to make a point to your girlfriend who's getting too big for her britches. Stealing... well, is pretty much the same thing, but with less neck tattoos. The PD angrily leaves for his next appointment, and Lux tries to convince him to take the plea. Bug says Lux should try to convince Jones not to testify against him. That's his only hope according to the poorly paid attorney he just pissed off royally.
Back at the radio station, Cate's producer announces that the head honchos from corporate have shown up unexpectedly. The suits walk in, and wouldn't you know? The last of them is the Ice Queen from earlier. Her name is Trina, and she is not too fond of Cate, who apparently has a habit of getting sloshed at corporate retreats and knocking over ice sculptures. Trina says she's come in to problem solve. "What's the problem?" asks Ryan. Trina acid tongues, "Not what. Who." Credits.
We return to a board room where Trina is giving the hosts the good news and bad news. The good news is Ryan. The bad news is that Cate has become unwieldy and unlikeable, and the listeners are dropping like flies. She says if Cate can't give the listeners a quick idea of exactly who she is in a way that makes them like her again, then she's going to get canned.
Westmonte. Bug drops Lux off to talk to Jones. He offers to stay and wait while they chat, then Jones makes a snide remark, and Bug responds by calling him an asshat. Nice! Lux tells Bug he should probably make himself scarce. He zips off, and she awkwardly goes over to make nice with the jocks. Of course, she manages to insult them off the bat when she assumes they don't know what "debacle" means. Having effectively blown her opener, she gets straight to the point. She tells Jones the kind of hard time Bug is facing and tells him she'll do anything if Jones lets Bug off the hook. Jones agrees to it... if he can have Bug's motorcycle. Jones explains that his dad took his car as punishment for partying. Now, presumably Jones will get the car back at some point which makes this not so much an even trade as an episode of vengeful, subhuman fuckery. But Jones can't be bothered with these notions of common sense and fairness. He says he needs wheels, so the bike will have to do. Lux says Bug's dad gave him that bike, but again Jones = can't be bothered. He acts like a real prick, telling Lux that Bug will have to decide between the bike and her. Well, as they say, the rich get richer...
Back to Cate, who is a little shaken by having her likability converted into a pie chart. She frets over her option, or lack thereof, if she actually gets sacked. Like most journalists, she has very few transferable skills (I should know, I am one. And it's a great time to be in the field, by golly!). She says that walking in on Baze peeing that morning now seems like a blip compared to the problems she's facing. Ryan gets prickly again, saying it's telling that she'd rather talk about Baze than pick a wedding date. He starts to take her to task for bringing up Baze all the time, but the producer interrupts to say Trina wants to see them.