...but, as it turns out, all of this was a publicity stunt, which could have used some work, given that the ham battle on last season's premiere of Mad Men was more violent. Backstage, Patrick and ED shake hands and even shoulder-hug, but then ED, who speaks even better English than I thought (was the interpreter also for show? Weird), drops the act and tells Patrick he's not going to last two minutes. "Tell your daughters to pray for you." And isn't it just lovely that the statutory rapist referenced Patrick's girls there. After ED leaves, Johnny comes over and asks Patrick not to tell Barry about their split, and Patrick is basically like "I don't have time for your sorry ass," and bounces. And after that little run-in with ED, it'd be hard to blame him even if Johnny weren't such a loser. Credits.

Stacy Keach is wrapping Patrick's hands, and Patrick smiles at how long a time it's been. His smile fades, though, in the ensuing training montage; he does shirtless incline situps off the boxing ring, step-jumps and punches while holding not-insignificant weights, punches with resistance bands in place of weights, push-ups with a cinderblock balanced on his back, and switch-foot jump-roping. And even if those weights are fake, Holt McCallany must be in sick shape even to do several takes of what we just saw on screen. My legs feel sore just from watching it. Anyway, through all this Stacy Keach has been talking strategy to Patrick, but at the end, after checking his time on the rope, he tells him he's slow before ordering him to get on the heavy bag. Patrick good-naturedly says that some things never change...

...which I hope is hyperbole on his part, since the next thing we see is him climbing into an ice bath OW OW OW. Okay, I lied: First we see him loading up a garbage bag full of ice from the machine at the fleabag motel at which he's staying, dumping it into his bathtub, and THEN settling into it. Again: OW OW OW. I could take this kind of training abuse for a day, but I know I'd be so sore I wouldn't be able to work out for at least a week afterward. I guess that's what the ice bath is for, but still. Anyway, before Patrick's junk can even shrivel up, there's a knock at the door, and he quite reasonably asks that whoever it is come back later, but Mikey Fumbles's voice calls out for him to open up. After a sigh, Patrick extricates himself from the tub, and we cut to him opening the door, whereupon Mikey compliments his new abode. Patrick explains that he always moves out when he's training, and given that we learn that to be historically true I'm not sure what all the angst last week was about, but then Mikey is like, oh, right, I moved out once when I was writing a book, and as much as I love Ben Shenkman, Mikey is really starting to grate with this cynical know-it-allism, so I thank Patrick for cutting to the chase and asking what the hell he wants. Mikey says he needs a denial, as he hears Patrick has been doing cage fights for cash, to which Patrick points out that he's got a million-dollar purse in six weeks, so why would he need to do that? Mikey asks if that's a "no comment" again, and seriously, I don't know why Patrick doesn't just lie and straight-up deny it. I mean, I get that there's some dancing involved in these relationships and you don't want to get caught lying to a reporter, but it doesn't seem to me like Mikey has done Patrick any favors or given him any consideration at all since he appeared on the show, and we've certainly seen Patrick lie with absolutely no problem to people he cares about a hell of a lot more, so I don't get what he thinks he would be risking by just telling Mike no, he didn't cage fight, end of story. Not that I think that would stop Mikey from running the piece, but still. Anyway, Mikey tells Patrick that rather than run that story, he'd like to interview him about his fall from the top and his comeback, and adds that if Patrick's having money problems, that's not exactly unprecedented given the economic events of the last couple years. However, he's on a deadline, so Patrick tells him he'll think about it before closing the door in his face. And Mike, when he'd rather go back to an ice bath than talk to you, you're not really high on his priorities list.