Lights Out

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | Grade It Now!
Hi, Ed. Bye, Ed.

...and then Patrick's wolfing down some pizza as he tells Johnny not to tell Ed. Johnny thinks that won't be an issue, since he never sees the guy anyway, and then Patrick scarfs down another half a pie (no WAY he dropped so much weight under Stacy Keach, if this is how he was eating) before he tells Johnny the bad news about Ed and the promos. Upon hearing that Ed will finance any penalties with his cut, Johnny wonders what the man's damage is, but Patrick says it doesn't matter -- he'll do a promo without Ed, as long as the network's okay with that. Johnny opines that they'll take what they can get, but wonders about Ed; Patrick, however, tells him he'll never know...

...but speaking of surreptitious activities, Theresa and Ed are having some dinner and wine at the gym, which is pretty bizarre, I have to say. I mean, I know they live half an hour away, but Theresa's been up since the wee hours, and she's waiting to eat dinner until the dead of night? Also, speaking of sleep, when does she get any? And what trainer drinks before an all-night session? These questions are not to be answered, but we do delve into a subject of interest, as Ed asks Theresa about her "first life" in England, and Theresa, after a moment, confesses that she grew up in a small town in Surrey, and things were great until she was about Daniella's age, at which point she learned that her father, a doctor, was cheating on his mother with countless women and also robbed the hospital he worked for blind. Now that would have been a TV show. Theresa goes on that she came to the States as soon as she could and changed her name, and you'd think if covering up her roots was so important to her she would have done something about THAT ACCENT, but Ed takes her hand and tells her that everyone's running away from something. "You found a good place to stop." That's... kind of a silly pair of lines, but OF COURSE Patrick enters at that very moment and stares at them for a year, like, the friction over the training is one thing, but this feels AWFULLY contrived. Last week he was telling you to get your marriage freak on, and now you think he's getting your wife to step out on you? This is going to be one great training session.

In the morning, Patrick returns to find Theresa in bed, and after she tells him she traded shifts, she invites him to join her for a little sumpin' sumpin', if you want to use the technical term. Patrick, however, looks at her like she's suddenly covered in warts, and it's unsubtle enough that she asks him what's up, so he inquires what she and Ed were talking about when he entered. Theresa confesses they were discussing her father, which gets Patrick's hackles up some more, as it took her two years to even mention him to Patrick. Rather than point out that the wounds were just a bit fresher so many years ago when they met, Theresa opines that that's just Ed's way, at which point Patrick whines that Ed is always testing him, LIKE A TRAINER WOULD AND ESPECIALLY STACY KEACH DID, you mean? Theresa suggests that maybe he discuss that with Ed like a rational human being, but Patrick sniffs that he'd just find a way to turn it around and blame his family, and tells her Ed wants him to cut his Bayonne blood out of his life. Theresa corrects him that he just wants that for the next couple months before inviting him to bed again, but Patrick's suspicious of her attentions and asks if Ed put her up to them. She expresses surprise but doesn't confirm or deny, so Patrick sulks his way into the shower. These people, God. I don't have to like the characters if the story is well-told, but I vary between wanting to strangle all of them and thinking it's not worth the energy.

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Lights Out




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