Line of Fire

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C | 425 USERS: C+
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Pilot

But the next thing you know, Crazy Jazz is sitting in, like, a supply closet, listening to a taped confrontation, which, thanks to the miracle of television, we at home get to watch. Somewhere, on a dock in the middle of nowhere -- presumably, because it seems misguided for the Mafia to beat the shit out of some guy on a dock in the middle of a residential-type waterway -- Malloy and his Two Boring Old Indistinguishable Flunkies are putting the screws to some poor dude with a bag over his head. "Four Days Earlier," the title cards tell us. Anyway, the Two Boring Old Indistinguishable Flunkies would like to know who supplied Baghead with the "crack they found on little Jimmy." "Little Jimmy"? What is this, a particularly dark episode of Lassie? (I know, I know, that's Little Timmy, but it's the same tone.) Baghead won't talk, and Malloy wheezes that he admires this, because "loyalty is the cornerstone of the business," and I guess this would all be menacing if these lines were coming out of someone who actually seemed menacing -- James Gandolfini springs to mind, or Bobby Cannavale in his Kingpin mode -- but, I'm sorry, David Paymer, I loved you in Quiz Show, but I just do not buy you as the head of a Mafia family and I am frankly surprised that ABC didn't ask to have this role recast. Anyway, Malloy wants to know whom Baghead is being loyal to. Baghead is silent. So Malloy bangs him on the head with a metal pipe. "I'm loyal to my nephew Jimmy," he quivers. "Now, who do you work for?" Yeah, that was a lot more effective when Kiefer Sutherland yelled it. Also, the median age of the Mafiosos on the dock is, like, sixty-five. I have a feeling that Baghead could probably outrun the three of them with the chair still tied to his ass.

Line of Fire

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