Line of Fire
Pilot

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Pilot

Oh, ABC! You and your viewer-discretion advisory. Trying so hard to be all rough and tumble. It's cute. Anyway. We open on a very rainy day, and two FBI agents chasing some other dude through an alley. It's very blue in Richmond, apparently. I'll add that to the list of things cinematography has taught me about geography: thanks to Line Of Fire, I know that Richmond is blue. Thanks to Traffic, I know that Mexico is yellow. Anyway, they're doing that hand-held shaky camera thing here, and it really wants me want to vomit. Running, running, chasing, heavy breathing, grunting. Sounds like one of my dates. Fed #1 chases the perp down an alley and past a homeless guy, yelling, "Move! FBI!" at him. Like the homeless guy cares. Anyway, there is yet more chasing, until we get to the fenced-in end of the alley and the perp leaps into a giant bin of garbage. He and Fed #1 do that thing where they draw their guns on each other and stare at each other and breathe hard. Fed #1 is all, "Drop the gun, Charlie," and Charlie's all, "You'll shoot me," and Fed #1 is all, "No kidding," and they clearly know each other, like, Charlie is probably an informant or something. "I got a wife and kids," Charlie says. "So do I," Fed #1 heaves, and Charlie wails that he doesn't want to go to jail, and Fed #1 assures him that all he wants to do is talk (like, I've heard that line before and it is rarely true). "Malloy will kill me," Charlie whines, and this sounds threatening, although we later find out that Malloy resembles nothing so much as a Sociology professor with Irritable Bowel Syndrome and isn't really all that scary, and so it works that Charlie delivers this line with the urgency of a guy ordering a turkey sub. Anyway, of course, they both end up firing at the same time, just as Pokey Fed #2 -- did he stop for a coffee, or something? -- shows up. "Dammit!" he says, and looks sad. Because both Charlie and Fed #1 are dead now.

So, slightly later, Fed #2 is telling some policeman or security guard or someone that he's okay. "That was your partner?" the dude asks. "We worked on the same task force together," Fed #2 says. "SUCKS," the dude chirps. Um, yeah. Thanks for that, Señor Sensitivo. We get the first of many title cards here, IDing Fed #2 as "Amiel MacArthur, FBI Special Agent, Richmond Division." I hate the font they used for these cards -- it's like Elementary School Printing Font or something -- but I appreciate getting proper spellings and names right off the bat. It makes my job as a recapper much easier. Thanks, guys! So, the cop/security guard/dude runs off to "call this in" and Amiel calls his boss....

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Line of Fire

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