Line of Fire
Pilot

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Jessica: C- | Grade It Now!
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Pilot

Anyway, Baghead finally admits that he's working for Crazy Jazz. "What? Crazy Who? What is this mutt barking about?" Malloy asks. One of the Two Boring Old Indistinguishable Flunkies explains that my man Crazy Jazz is a "dime bag lowlife who works the east side." So Malloy then beats the shit out of Baghead. "You sold crack to my nephew!" Malloy wails petulantly. Um, Malloy? Your nephew bought the fucking crack and, I presume, smoked it, so why don't you take this up with him? Are other crack dealers supposed to vet their clientele before selling them rock? This seems like a really inappropriate response to learning that your nephew is smoking crack. Sure, rough the dealer up, but kill him? Give me a break. I'd think the Malloy crime family would have bigger fish to fry, but it appears that they spend all their time getting mad at college kids for losing them money on a football game and beating up small-time drug dealers. This isn't very impressive to me as far as crime family activity goes. Where's the big-time drug-running? Or the prostitution rings? Fixing elections? Come on! Besides, shouldn't Malloy have better things to do than take care of these things, anyway? This is why you have flunkies. Anyway. "That's that with that!" Malloy yells as he throws down the pipe. Oh, my GOD. I have had it with "that's that with that." It's annoying. It's not catchy. It is not going to catch on. ABC is not going to sell thousands of t-shirts saying "That's That With That" on them. Let it go. Anyway, the Flunkies agree that they'll track down Crazy Jazz, and they'll make him pay. Oh, yes, he shall pay. Malloy scampers off, and one of the Flunkies kicks Baghead off the dock and into the drink. The other Flunky whines that now they're going to have to fish him out and put him on a boat and take him to the middle of the river, which was a funny throw-away line. The camera pans over to reveal a recording device rather poorly concealed on the dock. How did the Feds know there was going to be shit going down on this particular dock? How secluded is this dock, anyway? It seems awfully out in the open air for a torturing. I'm telling you, this portion of the Mafia doesn't seem very well run.

Back at the Bureau, Crazy Jazz listens to the tape and looks perturbed. He tells Amiel and Sampson that he doesn't recognize Baghead's voice, and then there's this whole tiresome back-and-forth, like we can't see where this is going, and eventually Crazy Jazz starts to freak out after Amiel tells him that he can probably talk his way out of Malloy's killing him, which, seriously, doesn't seem that unlikely to me. "Wait, y'all ain't gonna protect me?" Crazy Jazz squeals. "We just did. We're not a baby-sitting service," Amiel tells him. Crazy Jazz yelps that he needs the Feds to watch his ass: "I pay my taxes! If this dude Malloy wants to ice my ass, you're going to have to protect me. Look what he did to Terrence!" Dude, I kind of love Crazy Jazz. I wish this show were The Awesome Adventures of Crazy Jazz. Sampson pretends there's nothing they can do for him, telling they've fulfilled their obligation to him, and walking away. "I'm an American citizen here," Crazy Jazz yells after her.

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Line of Fire

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