Previously: a bunch of stuff that happened in the pilot, and nothing that happened last week. I think this episode was originally conceived as Episode Two, rather than Three, for various reasons, none of which is enormously troubling, but all of which are vaguely irritating.
Cut to a blonde woman, who is...um, how do I put this delicately? Taking it up the ass? Or I just she could just be taking it from behind. Yes, I am a delicate flower, aren't I? Anyway, she's not having any fun. In fact, she looks miserable. Her lover...finishes, and flops down next to her. He chuckles and she looks like she hates herself. "You're beautiful. A beautiful creature," he says, rubbing her shoulder. "Thanks," she tells him blankly, and turns to get out of bed. "You're not one of those love 'em and leave 'em kinds, are you?" he asks. The blonde swears feebly that she is not, and he emotes that he loves the smell of her hair. That's so romantic when you like the boy and so I'm Psychotic And Will Probably Steal Your Fingernail Clippings for Voodoo Love Spells when you don't. Finally, she gets out of bed. "Okay, then. That was great, huh?" he asks, patting his belly, which jiggles like a bowl full of jelly, and not in the good Santa way. "It was really nice," the woman drones, flashing the entire crack of her ass as she puts on her pants. ABC: Because Tuesday Nights Aren't Complete Without A Little Bare Ass. "When will I see you?" he asks. "Tomorrow. 8:30," she says flatly. He chuckles. "Tomorrow. It's a deal." How romantic. This is the sort of relationship I long for in my heart of hearts.
Tomorrow, they do meet again: in a courtroom. The blonde is a defendant; the man is the judge. Her name is Carla Timmons. He is Judge Clyde Parker, and he has sex with women who want to have custody of their children restored to them. At least, this is what he does for Carla, despite the fact that her blood tests haven't been totally clean. In the back of the courtroom, Jennifer Sampson looks disgusted.
In the hallway, Jennifer approaches Carla, flashing her badge and saying that she needs to talk to Carla. "What about?" Carla asks. I don't know, Carla, but my guess is that it's about your greasy, greasy hair. Would it kill you to wash your hair before making an appearance in a court of law? "It's about I need to talk to you," Jennifer clarifies helpfully.
Over at the FBI, everyone else is sitting in on a hearing about Bert Summers's death. Lisa gnaws on a pen and watches as Amiel shifts uncomfortably in his seat. The Big Wig running the meeting announces that if Bert had just waited for Amiel, he would be alive today. "You always wait for back-up," he says. "Yeah," my Agent Scully action figure tells the Agent Mulder, poking him. "We've been off the air for years. Give it a rest," he tells her.