Lipstick Jungle

Episode Report Card
Mollie: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Highland Fling

At the art show, Joe is still casually commenting on how much paintings cost, saying things like "You could buy that and still have enough left over to buy a beach house to hang it in." Ho ho, he's so rich! Victory is preoccupied, wondering about Diego and the source of his money. Joe more or less tunes her out, until she says she's not even sure she wants to have the budget Diego wants to give her. Then Joe comments that perhaps she's planning to move her studio too soon. "Working where I sleep isn't really working for me," Victory sighs. "Come stay at my house," says Joe, and then he walks away, to make certain that this invitation is delivered in the least romantic way possible. "Did you just ask me to move in with you?" Victory inquires. Joe says, "I am offering you a temporary solution to your problem." Swoon! Guys who act like they don't care whether you live or die are just the most!

The girls have arrived in Scotland -- or, judging by the ridiculously inauthentic burr on the hotel receptionist, in an Epcot-style simulacrum of Scotland. The not-actually-Scottish receptionist hands Nico a message, telling her it was left for her "tha smarnin'." Wendy asks if it's from Hector, and Nico, acting more shifty by the minute, tells her it's "Bonfire stuff." She had six hours to come clean about Kirby and she couldn't bring herself to do it. This isn't likely to end well. Wendy announces her intention to get a drink at the hotel bar, and Nico excuses herself, saying she'll be down in a little while. Left alone with the receptionist, Wendy asks what it's like to live in the hometown of J.K. Rowling. The receptionist turns away, then says sharply, "Well, it wouldn't do to gossip about a national treasure, now would it?" Her reaction is so completely uncalled for (who said anything about gossip?) that I assumed it would be meaningful later -- is this woman Rowling's former assistant? A spurned lover? What? But it never comes up again, and I think it's supposed to be the first of many "funny" moments in the Wendy Has a Lousy Time in Scotland comic subplot. Seriously -- wait till you see how much time we waste on this. Wendy gathers up her things and gives the bell on the desk a smack as she leaves. That'll show the bitch!

Ellen, Joe's assistant, is giving Victory a tour of Joe's home, and it's all very Sound of Music. You know, "The Captain hasn't used this room since his poor wife died." Victory notes that the room she's standing in (which she's never seen before -- Joe keeps her on a tight leash, I guess) is big enough for to host a hundred people for dancing. "Yeah! I'll suggest that!" Ellen replies, with enthusiasm that stops just short of sarcasm. Then she leads Victory into the wing of the house that Joe has dedicated to her upkeep. It seems he had it done over for her today (I'm guessing Ellen did most of the work). The new additions include a walk-in closet/dressing room full of brand-new dresses and shoes: "Everything a girl could possibly want," Ellen remarks. "All new, all your size." So now it's more like Victory is a twelve-year-old girl and Joe is her recently divorced dad, trying to win her love by buying her stuff. That impression is only cemented by Victory's next discovery -- the door that leads to her bedroom. Would you believe she isn't thrilled to learn that Joe has a bedroom set aside just for her? Ellen looks like she tried to tell the boss this might happen...

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Lipstick Jungle

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