Lipstick Jungle

Episode Report Card
Mollie: D+ | Grade It Now!
Highland Fling

After the commercials, Nico apologizes for bringing Kirby on this trip, and warns him that it won't be the getaway they were hoping for. Kirby tries to look on the bright side, observing that Wendy was nice to him before she realized who he was. He announces his intention to go home early, and won't hear any apologies from Nico -- he says he had a great time taking pictures today. "And it's gonna be okay," he tells Nico. "She's your best friend. She'll deal with it." Wendy thanks Kirby for being "such a trouper," and he says, "I'm not giving you any excuses to get rid of me." You know, now that he's getting regular sex with Nico, Kirby is really a very reasonable guy.

The next day, Wendy is sightseeing at Holyrood Palace. (I can tell that's where she's supposed to be because the closed captions indicate that she says so, although she doesn't.) She's also on the phone with Shane, who says he's surprised he caught her -- he assumed she'd be out shopping with Nico. Instead she's standing in the middle of a tour group, shouting into her cell phone. "Look, honey, I've gotta go," she says. "The tour guide's giving me the evil eye." She hangs up, and the guide begins the next presentation on the tour. Yes, Wendy was holding up an entire tour because she couldn't walk five yards away to talk to Shane. I'd be giving her a dirty look too -- but I think this is supposed to be one more "funny" example of how the Scots hate Wendy for reasons unknown. As the guide talks, Wendy interrupts his spiel to draw feeble "comic" parallels between Elizabeth I and Bloody Mary and herself and Nico. This is the most painful scene of the entire series so far, and for the first time ever I find myself wondering: Isn't it time we checked in with Victory?

Ah, there she is, arriving at her brownstone studio, where Roy greets her and tells her Diego has come by for a chat. Victory complains about having one rich guy who ignores her in his own house, and another who's far too attentive. Roy is starting to wonder about the Diego situation, too. So Victory sits down with Diego to test their suspicions. She hits him with a string of ridiculous requests -- What if we bred our own sheep? Can we order this endangered bird from China? Diego agrees to fund them all without batting an eye. Roy is stunned. Victory is annoyed.

Wendy's back in her hotel room, which features twin portraits of Elizabeth and Mary Tudor. (Subtle!) Nico enters to tell her that J.K. Rowling's lawyer canceled their meeting. No! I really thought this storyline was going to go all the way! Nico does have a scheme, though -- she knows where Rowling's kid goes to school, and she thinks maybe Wendy could drop by there at pick-up time, find Rowling, "do the whole mom-to-mom thing and feel her out." Wendy is disgusted by this idea. "If somebody came to Taylor or Maddie's school and tried to pitch me a movie, I'd be offended," she says. Amoral Nico observes that Wendy got the tip about the book from a parent at Taylor's school. Wendy shakes her head and says, "It crosses a line." Nico gets passive-aggressive: "Well, I'm sorry I'm not living up to your high moral standards these days." Wendy isn't about to let Nico the adulterer play the victim. That puts Nico on the defensive, so she crows about how much "passion" she's feeling now that she's with Kirby. Wendy scoffs, and Nico starts swinging wild: "What is really bothering you, hmm? Is it that you don't have that in your life?" Girl, please. Wendy is married to Shane. Supportive! Handsome! Sweet! Always up for sex! You are not going to win that one. Wendy tells Nico she can't just support her on this one, since what Nico is doing is so completely wrong, and since Nico's husband is also a friend of Wendy's. "All right, Mother Superior, you made your point," Nico grumbles. "Thank God you're not a mother," Wendy retorts. "What kind of values would those poor kids be growing up with?" Nico looks stung. Wendy is sorry she said it. We linger for a very long time on Nico, who is hurt, and Wendy, who is regretful, just to make sure you get it. That remark was very, very hurtful. We dwell on this for so long that I have to assume there's some reason, not yet revealed, that this was a particularly awful thing to say: Nico has struggled with infertility; Nico is the actual biological mother of Wendy's children; Nico had seven children who all died in a bus crash...something like that. But maybe not. Maybe this is just another of this episode's many instances of screwy editing/time-filling manipulation of footage. That's the fun of watching a new show whose original production schedule was mangled by a lengthy strike! You never know what you're going to get!

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Lipstick Jungle




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