Lipstick Jungle

Episode Report Card
Mollie: C- | Grade It Now!
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Mean To Me

We get our first look at Janice -- horrible, outrageous, and played with scenery-chewing gusto by Lorraine Bracco -- when her secretary tells her that Wendy is on the phone. She answers, and Wendy uses her nicest tone to say, "Hey, Janice, it's Wendy Healy." "I know that. Uhhh, I have an assistant?" Janice replies, making sure Wendy can hear her eyes rolling. "What can I do for you?" Wendy gives up on the "nice" tactic she knew wouldn't work anyway and cuts to asking about Mariska's book (which she carefully refers to as "a work of fiction"). Janice claims that two other film studios are already bidding on it. A stunned Wendy declines to make an offer of her own, and Janice hangs up on her. Wow. If anyone were that mean to Victory, I think she'd explode.

Speaking of Victory, she's now strolling through the park with rich jerk Joe. He doesn't want to hear about Victory's stupid hat either. (That makes everybody! Shut up, Victory!) Joe wants to make out. But Victory wants to tell Joe all about how the hat represents her young hopes and dreams, blah blah. "I wanted to live in a place where I could dare to be lucky and live out loud," Victory breathes. Joe tells her to go make that speech to her drag queen friend -- except for those last lines, which "sounded better when Susan Hayward said them in 1959." Oh, snap! Victory can't be-leeve Joe knows "that movie." He finally gets his smooch.

Wendy and Shane are in bed but not smooching: he's trying to sleep, and she's obsessing over Mariska's manuscript, pages of which are strewn across the bed. She reads Shane, and us, a few more quips from the book -- fill in your own "metrosexual" joke here. Shane suggests that perhaps they might find a better reason to stay awake, nudge-nudge, but Wendy turns him down: "I cannot handle being screwed by two people at once." Heh. "Not everything in here is fiction," Wendy frets. Like, for example, the part about their son's birthday party -- how did Mariska find out about that, anyway? Suddenly-guilty-looking Shane tries to change the subject, turning out the lights and rolling over abruptly. Hmm.

Next morning, the three GFs are working out together -- do they have a private gym or something? -- and the show does not try to trick us into thinking they're having sex, so that's something to be grateful for. They're all giving each other updates on their respective professional struggles. Wendy doesn't know what to do about Janice, and Nico is still "scrambling" to cope with the prince problem. "It's fun to realize you have all the responsibilities and none of the power, isn't it?" she remarks, and at first I think she's commenting on the obsolescence of the monarchy, but then I realize she's probably making a Statement about being a Working Woman. Wendy doesn't seem to know what she's talking about, either, so she just offers a noncommittal nod. Victory takes a call, and the others exchange a look when she answers with a "Hiiii!" But they should have been able to tell by the lack of helpless whining that it wasn't Joe calling. In fact, it was "an old friend" who's calling to let her know Bergdorf's wants to see her new stuff. She doesn't have any new stuff to show, as we know, so off she dashes (as she gathers up her things, she adds, "Breakfast meeting!" which seems like excuse overkill -- Victory, if you want to leave, just say so, I promise we won't object). Nico tells Wendy, "You're vibrating," and Wendy replies, "I'm angry!" It's a stupid joke -- she meant your phone, duh -- but Brooke Shields sells it anyway. Wendy checks her phone and finds a voicemail from Mariska. "I never want to hurt you!" it says. "When this person come to me, she offer so much, I...I don't know what to do! I'm sorry."

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Lipstick Jungle

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