Lipstick Jungle

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Erin: D | Grade It Now!
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Things Can Only Get Better

Wendy nervously wonders if Victory got her present already, because she really wanted her to get her present before the show not after because it'll mean more if it's before the show not after and Nico's like, "Jesus, shut UP about the present already and somebody wrap me around a potato and shove me in the oven!" Backstage, Victory unwraps her present and it's a huge snow globe with...a globe inside. So it's a globe within a globe. Victory bites her lip and reads the note that tells her that she owns the world and she should stop biting her lip. It also orders her to knock 'em dead.

The lights dim on the runway as Wendy and Nico hold hands nervously. The models make their walks and the clothing is truly awful, but I could probably say that about half the shit making its way down half the runways at Fashion Week because I have NO clue what's cool and what isn't. I know what's pretty and what isn't, but then again, I watch Project Runway. Wendy and Nico are suitably impressed with everything they see on the catwalk and the second Victory comes out, they stand up and give her a few bravos. Sparkles come down from the ceiling...

...which dissolves into a screaming headline: "No Victory For Victory". HAHAHAHA. That is just the best headline EVER. Except the part where it isn't. Victory agrees with me, because she is sobbing and disconsolate and a total cupcake-snarfing mess. "'Out with the old, in with the ew'?" she sniffles. "I mean, that's just mean." And badly written. Don't forget the badly written. Nico and Wendy have obviously come over to show their support and they listen and hand out tissues and generally try to boost Victory's spirits. However, judging by the fact that Victory lives in a TWO-STORY APARTMENT, I'd say her spirits don't need THAT much boosting.

Which is probably a good thing, because Wendy and Nico kind of suck at it. They tell her that it's the clothes the critics are rejecting, but since Victory IS her clothes, this only makes her eat more cupcakes. Mmmmm. Cupcakes. Wendy tells Victory to just lay low until all of this is over and says that she can use the house in Montauk. "The freezer is stocked with Dove Bars and weed," says Wendy. Damn. Does she need a house sitter? Because I'll make myself available, thanks. Nico heartily disagrees with this plan, saying that Victory should face her problems, not run from them. "A true player responds to disaster as if nothing's happened. When they smell fear in this town, it's over." Who the hell gave Nico that advice, Jimmy Cagney? Did we somehow go back in time to the forties? Are they going to start calling each other "dames" in a minute?

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Lipstick Jungle

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