Lipstick Jungle

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Erin: D | Grade It Now!
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Things Can Only Get Better

Wendy tries to soften Nico's message by telling Victory that they all have those dark moments in the night where they doubt themselves, but Nico ruins this by declaring that she doesn't have them and that there's no such think as luck; there's just talent and hard work. "I find it offensive that women feel they have to apologize for their success!" she states, getting up from the sofa. Well, I find it offensive when TV shows feel they have to TELL me that women feel they have to apologize for their success! So THERE, Nico! She tosses the review into the fireplace as Wendy says, "I always thought she screwed her way to the top." "Yeah, those are definitely the stories I heard," quips Victory. Nico giggles like a girl and throws herself down on the sofa and they all share one of those girly moments that I have pretty much never had in my entire life had. Let's just say if this was me and my friends Ash and Maha, we wouldn't be in a huge apartment crying and eating cupcakes and talking about success. If this was us, we'd be at Cancun on 8th Avenue at three in the afternoon drinking margaritas bigger than our heads and talking about vibrators. Because that's how we roll.

The scene finally ends and brings us to the title card, complete with a nice wide swipe of red lipstick between "Lipstick" and "Jungle." OF COURSE.

I wonder if Brooke Shields agreed to do the show only if her Colgate commercials were shown? Ponder that and get back to me while I go inhale eighty cupcakes laced with tequila, would you?

After the break, we head on over for a peek at Wendy's disastrous home life. She and her hubby are in bed, dead to the world. Her cell phone rings and she groggily answers it. Unfortunately, Julian Sands is on the other end, and he's none-too-pleased with her. We know this because he utters the unintentionally hilarious line, "Did you know that DreamWorks are also planning a Galileo project?" HAHAHAHA. Wendy's not finding this as humorous as I am, however, and she asks him where in the hell he is that he's calling her when it's still dark outside. He's in London, and he doesn't give a good goddamn what time it is in her world, what about he damn Galileo project?! Shane, Wendy's husband, grumbles something and rolls over, as she heads out into the apartment to find her notes.

She assures Julian Sands that their project is still on track and Leonardo di Caprio is attached and none of this matters because right now some little boy enters the bedroom screaming about how he stepped in the cat's vomit and, sadly, this storyline is slightly more interesting than the one involving Wendy explaining to Julian Sands that Leonardo di Caprio's Galileo will be the best. Galileo. Ever. Chaos erupts around the house as Wendy continues to talk to Julian Sands. The cat pukes on the pillows, Shane gets out of bed, the kid yammers on and on until finally, Wendy ends her call and asks everyone what's going on. Her son informs her that the cat went under the bed to die. I think I'm going to join him.

The older daughter enters the room and asks who's dying and Wendy says no one is and then she tells her daughter to go back to bed because it's so early and Shane complains that Julian Sands doesn't seem to care how early it is and he and Wendy bicker back and forth about Julian Sands and it's fairly clear that their marriage is a bit fractious when it comes to Wendy's job. Gee, wonder if that'll be important later on? Note to self: Check and see if The Dresden Files are coming back to Sci-Fi, because as much as I loves me some Paul Blackthorne, I'd really rather see me some Paul Blackthorne as Harry Dresden. (P.S. I saw Mr. Blackthorne in person at some Marie Claire shindig at the Hearst Building and he is just as adorable and rumpled and tall as he looks on this show. I was too chickenshit to go up and tell him how much I loved him, though. Also, I had four pomegranate martinis in my hands. Yes, they were all for me.)

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Lipstick Jungle

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