Anyway, Ali's all overjoyed... or well, she's using her smiling expression instead of her pissed off bitchface, so she seems happy. She can't wait to tell, "Her brother, her sister and Cody." Wait. Is Cody not her brother too? I don't understand. I guess she means Michael, and Cody is just an afterthought, which is pretty much how this show seems to go in general. Dina and Nana are beaming as the director dude blows smoke up their ass about how talented Ali is.
Dina THs that Ali is calling everyone she loves -- Lindsay, her brother (meaning Michael) -- to tell them how happy she is. We see Ali on the phone with Lindsay. To Lindsay's credit, when Ali calls Lindsay seems bored. She's like, sigh, "Hi, Ali," in that "I've got girls to make out with and real movies to make what the hell do you want?" way. Ali tells Dina that Lindsay was screaming, but we don't actually hear this.
Dina's on the phone with the Maloofs, who have exciting news. They have her finished first track. The say she's "unbelievable." They make this sound like a good thing. Oh no... they are going to play the song. My worst nightmare has come true. Oh no. It is so overproduced that when the singing starts, Ali isn't even sure if it is her. I'm dying. This is the funniest moment of the entire show. Now the Lohan ladies are dancing around in the office in front of the big scary Lindsay poster. To be fair this isn't the worst song... it just sounds like everything else on the radio. Whoever produced it did a pretty decent job mixing it. Pierce Brosnan could have used their help for Mamma Mia.
And now we get a little recap of the entire series: How much the family fights but loves each other. How they are all so proud of Ali making a record and getting a movie. The lessons they have learned. Dina says that her daughters are talented and the tabloids forget how the girls work their butts off. The parting shot is of Ali complaining about doing her homework. And mercifully this is done. I don't think I've been so happy in a long time. I hate that they left it open for a second season with either Ali making a movie, or Ali meeting with record execs. I want closure, and I want assurances that this is the end. But I'll settle for season finale and the blissful feeling that I get deleting this from my DVR.