Living Lohan

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Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
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In the Grand(ma) Scheme of Things

Next up, OMG, Cody has yet more sports equipment. A basketball! Take a shot. He and Michael shoot hoops out in the driveway. Cody makes a couple of killer three-pointers, while Michael banks it off the side of the hoop. At least the ginger kid is putting his down time to good use. Apropos of nothing, Michael kvetches about being incommunicado with Nina. Then he slips a $20 bill into his back pocket while prompting Cody to talk about Vegas. Yeah, I said $20. Those LoHos are cheap hos. Cody reiterates that doesn't want to go. Michael asks him what alternatives there are, and Cody gives an adorable shrug as he proposes to return to college with Michael. And, for real, that one shrug just amounted to all the charisma of all of LiLo's movies combined (minus the amazingly wonderful Mean Girls, for which I give sole credit to Tina Fey). Cody walks inside as Michael teases him about being able to handle college.

Inside, Cody runs into Dina-saur and blurts that he's going to stay with Michael. Okay, adorable I'll give you, but brains he ain't got... This harebrained scheme was just hatched, like, 0.5 seconds ago, and Michael didn't even imply that he was on board. Oh well, such is the simplicity of an 11-year-old. Dina-saur basically laughs in Cody's face, so Cody huffs off, insisting he's not going, if nothing else to save himself for taking part in "girl stuff."

Upstairs, Ali packs while Michael has a completely unsympathetic debriefing with Cody about how Dina-saur shot down the college road shenanigans. Michael interviews that he, too, has felt the demands of his sisters' booming careers. He had to go away for seven and a half months while LiLo filmed The Parent Trap. And, yes, that is a much bigger sacrifice than two weeks without soccer in Vegas, but I bet he got some awesome chances to sneak into Natasha Richardson's dressing room.

Cody is grouses about Michael's lack of empathy, to which Michael calls Cody a coward -- harsh much? Michael reminds Cody that families make sacrifices for one another, claiming Ali would do the same, though I won't believe it until I see Ali in the stands of, say, a minor league baseball game. Michael wraps up his pep talk, and the brothers hug it out. Whew! So glad that major dilemma has been solved. There will be no years of therapy needed after this. No, sir.

Later that night, Michael leaves a message for Nina. He VOs that he's heartbroken and reiterates that it's his most serious relationship. He thinks she must be upset if she hasn't returned his calls. How long has it been? Like 45 minutes?

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Living Lohan

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