Living Lohan

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: F | 11 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
In the Dog House

She then strategically plops herself smack in the middle of it by snitching to Dina-saur, who decides they need to stick their noses in the situation. Michael and Nina continue to quarrel about their families in his room, and Ali continues to snoop. Nina interviews that she wants to spend time with her family, but Michael doesn't understand. She resolves to head out. What's the big deal? Commercials.

Some time later, Nina asks Dina-saur to take her to the train station. Dina-saur puts up a big show of asking whether she really wants to go, but ultimately takes her. Ali stokes the flames by calling Nina a "meanie" as she and Michael share their parting words...make that word, singular: "Whatever." And seriously? This is so G.D. dumb, I can barely even go there. In a family where the father is an emotionally abusive ex-addict, the oldest daughter is a mink-coat-stealing, possible lesbian, only-in-name-alleged addict, and the rest of the family are dirty, dirty fame whores, they couldn't dig up anything better than "Michael's girlfriend wants to spend time with her parents"? I mean, I have no doubt that Dina-saur had E! by the balls for the duration of this show, but come on!

In the car on the way to the train station, Dina-saur gives Nina sage. She gives an all-too-short synopsis of a tragic love story between her and a boyfriend that died in a car accident. Shortly thereafter -- or so this version of the story goes -- she met and married Michael Sr. The story is actually pretty irrelevant to Nina and Michael Jr.'s current predicament, but it gives an interesting insight into one of the many reasons why Dina-saur is a big ol' mess.

The episode reaches its denouement as scenes of Michael at his home are intercut with ones of Nina heading to hers. Dina-saur pours salt on Michael's wounds by echoing that Nina doesn't understand the family. She really lays it on thick, crying as she says that he's everything to them and that "If somebody doesn't know where you're from, they're never gonna get it." Michael concludes this is something he and Nina will have to work out over time.

Next time on one of the worst shows I have ever watched (including but not limited to The Littlest Groom): Ali heads to Vegas to record, and -- our only consolation -- that hot ho Nana is coming along whether she likes it or not. Also, Michael continues to mourn the slow death of his relationship with Nina, and sweet, stupid Cody tries to play matchmaker and fix it all.

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Living Lohan

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