Living Lohan

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Uncharted Territory

Dina-saur enters and gives Jeremy a big hug. Now that the real boss is in the room, he knee-jerks a "You look fabulous!" and drops his cocky head-honcho demeanor. Dina-saur props him up with some compliments then knocks him right into his place, telling him this is serious business. She ends by saying she's giving him "The Mom Talk," which is an awesomely concise way of saying, "You're my bitch, bitch." She tells him to set everything up while she heads out to get Ali, and he hops to, all, "Yes Ma'am!" This shit was so not happening with Eman. Just the first of many signs that Jeremy is not cut out for the task to come.

Dina-saur interviews that this is not star-maker time for Jeremy and that she needs him to prove he can handle the pressure of the studio. You know, the place where he'll have to make decisions a little bit tougher than Easy Mac versus Rice-a-Roni for the kids' dinner. She practically grabs her crotch to show dominance as she says she doesn't care what he does own his time (because she can just sue the shit out of him for those screw-ups). She wants, she says, a "home run."

Ali enters the studio, and Jeremy asks her if she's ready to work. "Now?" she asks. No, dipstick, let's kill a couple more thousand bucks while you go get your nails done. Ali VOs that the vibe with Jeremy is different than it was with Eman, but she's convinced she'll make a good song.

They rehearse the song. Ali questions whether she's in tune on a note, and Jeremy whips around like a slapped puppy, waiting for Dina-saur's approval, but Dina-saur stays out of it. Jeremy sends Ali into the booth. We again hear Dina-saur's spiel about trusting the producer and leaving during creative time. She's confident Ali knows what she wants after her life-changing two days with Eman.

Now that Dina-saur is gone, Jeremy resumes his HBIC act and does exactly what she warned against, bragging about his MySpace music page. Ali's all ready to go, but she notices that Jeremy is too busy stroking his own ego to produce her record. He wastes God knows how much time and money playing his songs for the unimpressed Maloof Music honchos. Ali sits in her director's chair and mopes that Jeremy is simultaneously ignoring her and unabashedly promoting himself on her dime. Jeremy has forgotten the #1 Commandment: It's ALL about Ali.

Moments later, and with absolutely no irony, Jeremy harps on Ali that they only have six hours and that the pressure's on her. He puts on the fearless-leader guise to make sure she knows he is the only person who can guide her through this process. Basically, he's the opposite of Eman, who actually knew how to work with Ali's brand of semi-talented prima donna. So, this should be fun...

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Living Lohan




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