Living Lohan

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
Uncharted Territory

And for the four-hundredth time since last episode, we again see shots of people sunning and swimming at The Palms pool. I guess that's the only thing that happens in Vegas that's allowed to leave Vegas. Meanwhile, Dina-saur does yogalates. She says she doesn't often find time for herself (like that time she almost let her children and home burn down while she was at a magazine cover launch party...that wasn't about her at all!), but she's using Ali's hours in the studio to relax. Dina-saur struggles through the class and admits that she hasn't stayed in good shape while managing her kids' careers. She runs while the trainer taunts her. (Probably because she's wearing her hair down. Who does that?)

We return to the studio where Jeremy takes a food break, despite no actual evidence of progress. In his absence, Ali sings much better than usual (and a cappella, at that). Jeremy VOs that she isn't doing much, just learning the vocal. He then draws on his skads of experience producing MySpace hits to tell one of the tech guys that putting together a whole album is a lot of work, perhaps too much for a 14-year-old.

As she and Sue practice, Ali comes to the not-at-all-contrived realization that she feels weird singing Jeremy's song. Sue tries to squelch the impending inferno by suggesting they change the key. She then somewhat frantically tells Ali to try it again. I bet experience has shown her that, if she pushes Ali into an activity that requires brain power (such as remembering lyrics), Ali will just forget. But no such luck, as Ali now refuses to sing the song at all because it has too much of a guy's sensibility.

Over in the lounge, Jeremy prattles on about how much he and Ali have talked about what direction she wants to take the album (while he was braiding her hair and telling her ghost stories, I'm guessing). In the studio, Ali tries to pretend that Jeremy's a nice guy -- and not a grade-A jerk-off -- but Sue says it's not about Jeremy and nervously checks that he isn't coming in to hear this discussion.

Ali eventually gets to the heart of the matter: Jeremy treated her with less than 100% subservience earlier. She says she doesn't want to be rushed (or, implicitly, treated like less of a princess than she really is) while recording her breakout song. Elsewhere, Jeremy persists with his masturbation-like self-promotion as he talks about his many other projects. Though he covers his ass by adding that Ali is his main focus right now. What a dickweed. I mean, I never trust the simpering edits they give Ali or Dina-saur, but I'm pretty sure the story editors didn't have to work very hard to do a hatchet job on this guy.

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Living Lohan




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