Living Lohan

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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Uncharted Territory

Jeremy continues pushing his song and asks Ali to just bang it out. But Ali has decided to take her first stab at independence (by using her mother and vocal coach as crutches), and she will not be denied! She huffs out, leaving Jeremy, the tech crew, and the executive in her dust. Jeremy interviews that Ali's excuses were crap. He tells the engineer he was insulted and launches into some big talk (when no one named Lohan is in the room, natch) about how, "If that'd been an adult, it would be on!" He takes off, underscored (and, indeed, undermined) by a condescending interview that he needs to "find a way to calm this child down."

Back at the Playboy Suite, Dina-saur shoots the bull with Hef and The Girls. She pimps Ali's recording endeavors, then talks about Lindsay, telling Hef that Lindsay is also in the studio for a new album. (Cover your ears!) Hef asks Dina-saur to send his regards to Lindsay. And I'm pretty sure Dina-saur is one of a handful of mothers in America that are okay with a porn king knowing their daughters personally. Dina-saur calls Hef sweet as they leave, clearly attempting to land a spread in Playboy's upcoming Cougar edition.

Back at the scene of the grim, Jeremy knocks on the door of Ali's (empty) hotel room. He entreats her by insisting he's a busy man. No, son, you are not busy, and you do not have "stuff" to do. I think we're all aware by now that your only gig is to massage these women's oversized egos and occasionally do their laundry. Failing that, it's back to Waterville. So drop the act already, and give the little diva a new song. Jeremy apes confidence as he tells her that her behavior is unbecoming of up-and-coming stars. As if he has a better grasp of self-styling than a Lohan. Say what you will, but Ali actually has recorded an album -- albeit a Christmas one with a dramatic reading by Dina-saur. That makes the score Ali 1, Jeremy Greene 0.

Back in the studio, the Maloof executive tries to mitigate the situation and issue a ceasefire on finger pointing. Jeremy hangs onto the bitterness a little longer, saying he wishes Ali would have just gotten it over with. He concludes with the most trite of all reality TV surrender flag statements: "It is what it is." However, still trying to fashion himself as a superman and super-producer, he says he can "save the day" because he has a track with a female voice on it. Why didn't the asshat think of this solution, like, an hour ago and save us all some grief?

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Living Lohan

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