Living Lohan

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Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
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Uncharted Territory

The nail artist earns her tip by asking when Ali's album drops. Dina-saur says Ali's single should be out in a couple of months and that Lindsay's third album should be out in July. 50% success rate...good enough. Dina-saur claims to be juggling the two-production schedule, and Nail Girl kisses up more by saying it must be hard work. The scene ends with a dramatic zoom on a quartet of nail polish bottles. Dina-saur must have run through a lot of that stuff clawing her way to the middle.

Finally done with her frenetic day being Super Momager, Dina-saur returns to the studio and asks, "How did it go?" Sue and Ali awkwardly laugh as they break the news that it didn't exactly "go." Dina-saur doesn't miss a beat before issuing a big "I told you so," then tries to figure out what changed for Ali. She wonders how they can salvage the money and time lost while she was out pampering herself and starfucking.

She places the blame squarely on Ali's shoulders for championing the song, then changing her mind. Dina-saur makes Ali promise she won't have another change of heart tomorrow, then offers to "clean up the mess." Dina-saur moans about not wanting to be a stage mom but says she does what she must for her kids. We see shots of Ali pretending she can play the piano as she says she feels bad for Jeremy but cannot, as a real artist, sing a song she doesn't believe in. Still, swears Ali and her thigh-baring short-shorts, she's feeling the pressure to produce tracks.

Now it's up to Dina-saur to call Phil Maloof and tell him that Ali squandered a whole day on Jeremy's track. She says they need to find another track, stat, and suggests that Eman worked out well last time. Then, backed by some serious cojones, she tells Maloof -- the CEO of the music company that is giving her incompetent singer of a daughter the money to produce this crappy demo -- that he has a week to find another song. And...scene.

Next week: Ali returns to the studio with Eman. She is strategically obscured as she channels her inner torch singer on a slow jam. Her suddenly skillful voice sounds a bit tampered by effects. Innnnteresting. Cody uses Dina-saur's Rockette past against her and arranges an impromptu dance concert. Dina-saur claims to feel ill as a crowd of expectant soccer moms wait to see her kick it old-school.

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Living Lohan

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