Dina THs that she's so happy that Ali and Jeremy have kissed and made up. And just when I'm thinking that Dina's been sipping some happy juice, she adds that now she's going to corner Jeremy and get the real truth out of him. Awesome. Let the claws come out! Eat him alive, Dina! Make this show good! Instead he just sits and looks bored while she gives him the "tabloids are a bunch of trashy whores" speech. Finally she's like, "Be honest, you did fuel the gossip flames, right?" And he's like, "No, I just was vague and told them to watch the show." GUILTY. Get him, Dina! Make him pay! Twist his little guts out! Please, for the love of God? More talking about how to work the press. Says that what he thought was funny, the papers will have a field day with. Then there's a death threat! Yay! He shrugs it off. Then, just when the asshole is in the free-and-clear, he has the fucking balls to tell Dina that, "To be honest, now, because I told the tabloids I was dating Lindsay, they know who I am, and I'm going to be a huge, big, dickwad of a star." And he smiles while he's saying this. She's like, "So you planned this?" Then D looks all disappointed. Says next time it might not work out so well. But apparently it's all good because she's using him for his music. I scratch your back, you scratch mine. Whatever. I wanted to see the talons come out as she laid into the lame little douchebag.
Now it's Cody time. The forgotten son, who likes sports. This lasts for two seconds while he and Ali kick around a soccer ball. Then Dina's getting ready for the launch of her cover story in Boulevard magazine, the fine, new Long Island-based publication that dubbed her a "super mom." She's their first cover girl. Ali and Dina play dress up. Ali advises Dina not to dress like a slut with a high-cut, see-through dress. Dina glares at the pre-pubescent teen and grits that it is a Stella McCartney dress. Ali says it's because it's cold out. Jesus. I always though Dina was tough, but she lets her bitchy little kid get away with a lot of crap.
Nana shows up. She puts on a Pinhead mask. If Grams is into Hellraiser, this could actually be cool. I think she's just being a good sport though. Sad. Dina's niece Amanda is in charge of the roost while Dina's out in her not-trampy pantsuit. A limo ride with lots of over-talking between Grams, some other old overly-botoxed woman and Dina about how Ali's much more precocious than Lindsay. Dina has to beg her kid to go to school. Excellent. In other news, the doctor says Ali's going to top off at about 5 feet 10 inches and will be a Ford model. I didn't know that doctors were suddenly talent agents, but perhaps on Long Island they are.