Next up, the cowboy-hatted, ponytailed, goateed Troy, thirty-seven, who says he works for the federal government at Somewhere Air Force Base (helpfully and hilariously shortened to "mechanic" on the on-screen graphic). He has a nine-year-old son (and who the hell are these guys having all these kids with, anyway, if there are no women up there? ["Maybe they have the kids in another state and move to Alaska to nurse their broken hearts and also ice-climb?" -- Wing Chun]). He's 5'11" with blue eyes, and his hobby is truck racing. I have no joke here. He goes on about believing in "love at first sight," and between this and Jack's "soulmate" nonsense I can't help thinking that while the challengers were waiting for their competition, someone passed around a Maxim so they could read an article entitled "Sensitive stuff to say to make chicks want to do it with you."

But they saved the best for last: Matt, thirty-eight, is the retail manager of a clothing store. Brown hair (receding hairline), blue eyes, and his hobbies are skiing and fishing. He also has a goatee, and can I ask what is with the goatees on this show? I mean, who even has a goatee anymore? Don't these guys know the soul patch is the current facial hair of choice? But the best part is the stupid-ass earmuffs he's wearing, and I think they're not even actual earmuffs, but little elastic ear covers, like ear condoms. Henceforth, he shall be known simply as Dorky Earmuffs. He explains that he's ready for love because he's mature, which he seems to equate with "a couple of homes, a little bit of money in the bank, and some property to build a future with." I hate to say it, but I'm doubting DE has many friends. You'd think someone along the line would have taken him aside and said, "Dude, those earmuffs? Not cool."

Santagati explains that the winner of the axe-toss gets a date with any of the women, plus $2,000. Then he explains the dowry system the show employs, causing untold legions of women watching to start screaming, "Dowry? DOWRY?" Yeah, you've come a long way, baby. Santagati says that the woman chosen by the winner gets $2,000 to add to her personal dowry (which starts at $5,000 for each bachelorette). He goes on about how there will be many chances for their dowries to grow, and "that's money in the bank on the day you get married" in yet another overdub that has you wondering how useless a host this guy is since he can't seem to explain anything right on camera. Then he actually explains that the guy who lands the axe closest to the centre of the target is the winner, in case we don't know how a target works.