Looking for Love
Come In From The Cold

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Ice, Ice Babies

Grainy black and white shots over the cheesiest saxophone music ever recorded, lifted directly from any scene in Miami Vice where someone dies -- the kind of night scene in which Crockett cries and Tubbs puts his hand on Crockett's shoulder and says, "Come on, man. Let's go." Take that sax and that's the music we've got here, over scenes of Rebekah hanging out with Cecile in Rebekah's cabin, then Kurt dropping off Karen at her cabin, then Brent and Sissie hugging in Sissie's cabin, then kissing good night (labeled "Sissie & Brent's First Kiss"), then Kristian and Andrea kissing (apparently their first as well) in Andrea's cabin. Then a time-lapse shot that makes it look like the stars are spinning around the sky.

Commercials. I realize that the use of "Sisterhood" in the title is an explicit warning that I am not welcome, but I have had a strange hate on for some reason for just that title -- Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood -- even when it was just a book and I guess I didn't realize how lucky I was because at least the book was silent but now I don't know how many times I'm going to have to put up with commercials for the movie which feature women yelling "Ya-Ya!" about eight million times and an announcer telling me that I'll go "ga-ga for Ya-Ya." I think whoever came up with "ga-ga for Ya-Ya" seriously needs to be punished severely. I am against capital punishment but I could make an exception in this case.

Day 3. Group-date time aboard the Alaskan Explorer, a ferry. 10 AM, a balmy 22° F. ["Thank god the path to my marriage never involved my having to get up early and get on a damn ferry." -- Wing Chun] The ferry goes by the Aialik glacier, and the entire date consists of watching chunks of the glacier fall into the water. It may sound lame to anyone who's never seen a glacier up close, but they're fairly impressive. And I think all of us could really root for a huge chunk of ice falling off and causing a massive wave that capsizes their stupid boat.

Instead, Sissie and Sideshow Brent snuggle, while Brent explains that he hasn't dated since he was divorced. You know, he actually seems like a nice guy, whereas Sissie keeps looking more and more demonic in her interviews as she gets more attached to him, like in this one, where she blathers on about how his having two kids is not a problem for her, and I guess it had better not be, being that this is her "Last Chance for Marriage" and all. They blah blah blah about each other a bit, about how sweet the other one is, as if viewers wouldn't rather see The Princess Bride (tm channelZ) horning in or something. "He is definitely the nicest guy I've ever met," says Sissie, which is something I think would be hard to judge when all you've done is hang out while cameras are constantly on you. It's not like the guy's visiting with lepers or anything.

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Looking for Love

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