Looking for Love
Come In From The Cold

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Ice, Ice Babies

"Next up is Cecile," says Santagati, (with the two-handed finger-point). She picks a guy named Tim, who apparently gets his hair cut at the same place I do. He's a twenty-four-year-old fisherman from Kodiak. Never married. 6', brown eyes, hobbies are basketball and camping and I can't say I know any guys my age (twenty-six) or younger who are desperate to get married, except maybe for the hardcore Christian ones from my high school who got married as soon as they could because they supposedly don't believe in sex before marriage but obviously just wanted to get on with the rutting like the rest of us. Tim wants to start a family because it'd be nice to have someone to come home to when he's done fishing because it's a lonely house, and I hate to break it to Tim but Cecile didn't pay for a Beemer by sitting on her ass around the house all day waiting for her fisherman husband to come home. She reveals that she was attracted to his smile and thinks it would be interesting to talk to him and see if they're compatible and thank god she offered coherent reasons, unlike Karen.

Rebekah's turn. She picks a dude named Jim in a North Face jacket, and I don't care what anybody says, I think his toque is cool. She says she picked him because he seemed kind of cool and "kicked-back," but she qualifies her decision by saying, "Honestly, they were all bundled up and I was really worried about not falling into a crevasse," whatever that means. Jim's twenty-seven, and a server/chef. Never married, 6', blue eyes, and his hobbies are skating and cooking. He says -- I swear he says this: "My perfect wife would be just a girl I'm very impressed to look at all the time," and I thought maybe his toque was too tight. He adds, "And feel very honoured to be around," which is better, I guess.

It's Andrea's turn. She picks the guy who she earlier ordered to remove his sunglasses. This is Kristian, who's twenty-nine. Never married, 6'2", blue eyes, and his hobbies are "ice-climbing," whatever that is, and hiking. Andrea picked him because he was well-dressed and clean-cut. He looks at the camera and makes a face like maybe Andrea just farted. His voice-over says something about hoping the women are "strong-willed" and "adventurous."

Sissie's up next, and as she walks through the ranks of the desperate men, you see one of them is this really fat guy with long greasy hair and you start thinking (a) now there's a rock 'n' roll roadie, and (b) how the hell did that guy get on here anyway? Sissie picks Brent, a divorced thirty-one-year-old freight construction manager with two sons. He's 6'2", and I think the top six inches of his height is all hair; he has blue eyes, and his hobby is hockey, and it is about time someone liked a real sport instead of this "ice-climbing" nonsense. In an interview, Sissie babbles something about picking Brent because he looked like a "a house on fire," whatever that means, and I wonder why they even bother interviewing her at all since she barely ever makes any sense. Then she uses the phrase "hunk of burning love." Brent says he believes everyone has a soulmate, but it can take some time to find one. I think TWoP should give me danger pay based on how many times people use the term "soulmate" on this show. ["Get in line behind Jessica, buddy." -- Wing Chun]

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Looking for Love

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