Looking for Love
Frogs Vs. Princes

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Here Comes Your Man

Brand-new Santagati voice-over opens the "Finally! It's the finale!" series finale: "Twenty days ago, five single women traveled to Alaska with a single purpose: to find a husband." Doesn't he mean five weeks ago? Stupid Santagati. However, it's hard to hate him anymore since I know this is the last time I have put up with him. And besides, this new opening means we're not subject to Rebekah's pod-person "yeah." Santagati sums up what's happened so far, explaining that the women have taken part in "epic group adventures as well as intimate dates." You know, just because there are mountains all around doesn't make this show "epic," you moron. They watched ice fall off a glacier, for god's sake. Blah blah blah "looking for Mr. Right." He says that their romantic journeys are coming to a "dramatic conclusion" tonight, as if. And it's topped off with a clip of Santagati introducing himself and welcoming viewers to the series finale. Then we get the regular opening sequence. For the last time!

Also, it's the last time we have to hear Santagati fudge the "previously on" summary in order to make it more interesting, as with, "All the Alaskan bachelors returned to the game, creating tension throughout the Northern Light!" Sure it did, and your out-of-context clip of Cecile going "oh my god" certainly proves it, as does Rebekah explaining that it was weird for her since she personally rejected about half the returnees; I suppose it would disprove Santagati's claim of "tension throughout the Northern Light" if I pointed out that all of Rebekah's rejectees still wanted to kiss her ass. Oh, let's also show the Sorriest Excuse For A Confrontation Ever between Will and New Tim, shall we?

No mention at all is made of the amazingly boring competition the women had, but I suppose that's a good thing. We skip right to the part where each woman picked her second Man on Ice -- Andrea picked Keith, the boat captain; Karen picked Mike, the park ranger; and then Santagati's voice-over even sounds like it's being ad-libbed, when next he exclaims, "Rebekah!" and then says, "She selected Tim the fisherman;" Cecile picked Mike, the teacher; and Sissie chose Thaddeus the deep-sea diver.

We see stupid clips of all the women spending time with each of their men as Santagati says each woman has been discussing marriage and trying to figure out "which of her men is most likely to propose." I'm not sure how much time I should waste by actually describing this sequence, since all of the backup Men are going to be summarily dispatched from Proposal Point in a couple of minutes, despite Santagati's claim that the women are about to make "yet another" difficult decision: "Choosing the man she'd like to marry."

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Looking for Love

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