Looking for Love
Frogs Vs. Princes

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Here Comes Your Man

Let's get this over with, shall we? The plane swoops by, circles around and lands, Sissie watching it pretty much the whole way. She starts smiling as Brent gets off and the flutes kick in. Brent saunters on up, and at least he knows to tell Sissie she looks "very beautiful." She thanks him. Brent starts rambling, Sissie starts nodding. He goes on about "wonderful experience" and "fell in love" and such, while Sissie stands there grinning and nodding her head. I know I referred before to Karen resembling a bobblehead doll, but that was before I saw Sissie's spastic rubberneck head-bounce routine here. "I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world," says Brent. Lou Gehrig turns in his grave. Now, Brent has some questions. He asks her if she'd be willing to meet his family and kids. Sissie says, "bobble bobble bobble." He asks to visit her family in South Carolina. Sissie bobbles. Now he hems and haws while Sissie looks at him expectantly. "Don't make me cry," she says. I said the same thing to Wing Chun when she first asked me to recap this garbage. ["But I did make you cry. Aw." -- Wing Chun] Brent shuffles his feet. He says, "If things do fall into place, as in seeing what I'm like up here, and seeing what you're like down there and visit each other's families...." Long pause, as that barely coherent statement lingers, then he continues: "Um, would you be willing to move up to Alaska and leave everything behind and...would you marry me?"

Sissie looks conflicted and has to think about it for a minute. Ha ha! Of course not! She says, "Yes, I would," and looks like she's about to start crying, and throws her arms around Brent. Nice heavily conditional proposal, Brent. Not that it matters to Sissie. She's like the dog in that old Far Side cartoon that only hears its own name and everything else is "blah blah blah." I'm willing to bet the only words Sissie heard from the moment Brent opened his mouth were, "Blah blah blah love blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..." long pause..."blah blah blah blah blah blah...would you marry me?"

Brent and Sissie hug as the music swells to try to convince us this is touching. They kiss, hug, and then make small talk and they each mention saying many prayers the night before. What's with all the prayer talk out of nowhere with these two? Did I miss an episode in which they were born again? Is this 7th Heaven? They hug some more and stroll off down the lakeshore, probably to pray. In a blink-and-you-miss-it where-are-they-now wrap-up, we get Animal House-style subtitles telling us that "Sissie moved to Alaska to pursue her relationship with Brent." It's sweet that she's finally able to let someone take care of her. "Karen returned to New Hampshire. She and Kurt have not seen each other since." Yeah, well...ah, who even cares. It's Karen and Kurt, for krying out loud. "Andrea returned to San Francisco. She and Kristian are maintaining a long-distance relationship." According to Andrea, I'll bet. "Rebekah returned to Los Angeles. She has not seen Jason since." Excuse me while I try to keep from crying. "Tim visited Cecile in California. Afterwords [sic, for the love of god buy a fucking dictionary, you morons] he told her again he did not want a relationship." Somewhere, I bet Cecile is livid. Fucking livid. Can I also point out what a stupid idea it was to use the same dramatic music during these updates as was used to score Sissie and Brent's conditional proposal?

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Looking for Love

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