Then, Kristian gets off, which I have to admit surprised me, despite his sudden seemingly newfound interest in domesticity. Andrea looks a combination of happy and relieved. Kristian takes about half an hour to stroll up to her. "Hi," he says, as the soft synthesized Flutes of Fairy-Tale Romance lilt in the background. "You look beautiful," he says, and she thanks him. "So I made some notes to help me get through this," he says, and I have to say saying you need help to "get through this" isn't the most romantic thing you could say to a woman in a wedding dress. He takes her hand and starts reading from his notes: "Andrea, you're a very unique and wonderful person, and I feel blessed and privileged for the time we've shared. I've seen your beautiful and strong sides, like the way you carry yourself through life: straightforward, honest, and open." Hey, baby, I really dig you. You're so straightforward. This would be fairly entertaining if Kristian did it as a PowerPoint presentation. Blah blah blah, "You've shown that you're wild enough, and crazy enough, to take some risks." Did anybody see Andrea take any risks? Me neither. This must be more of that freaky sex that Andrea alluded to before. He says "secure" and "confident" and "sweet" and he just keeps going on. I've been to actual weddings that didn't take this long; even Andrea's starting to look bored. But Kristian continues: "I want to see more of you, see more of these qualities, and discover some new ones." I bet you do, dude. "Our adventure's just beginning." Please just get on with it. "Andrea, will you make some time to spend with me in Alaska? I want to get to know you better." Andrea, managing not to look disappointed, says, "Absolutely. I would love to do that." The music builds to a climax, as he kisses her on the cheek, like we're supposed to think that after extolling Andrea's virtues for a good two minutes as she stands there in a wedding dress, that saying basically, "So, you want to hang some more or what?" is a happy ending. Andrea, listen closely. He wants more sex. They hug as Andrea says, "That wasn't so hard, was it?" Good CHRIST, woman! He didn't DO anything! They stroll off down the lakeshore as the cascading piano arpeggios send them off.
Commercials. You know, one day someone is going to stab that asshole Subway guy to death. Then there's a travel commercial for Toronto! Cool! There's the CN Tower! There's the Hockey Hall of Fame where I saw the stick that Paul Coffey used to score the Stanley Cup-winning goal for the Edmonton Oilers in 1985! There's Wing Chun! Hi, Wing Chun! ["Who let a camera crew in here?" -- Wing Chun]