Then the chopping begins, and I'd like to point out that never in my life have I ever chopped wood or seen someone else chop wood without using a chopping block to set the logs on, instead of chopping the logs directly on the ground as these guys are doing here.
Chop. Chop. Chop. Woohoo. Chop.
Will breaks his axe-handle, and Steve informs him all serious that he's out of the competition, like we're supposed to believe Bachelorettes has some sort of Wood-Chopping Rule Book with guidelines that cover just such a contingency. "The rest of you keep chopping!" says Santagati, punctuating that with a two-handed finger point, so you know he means it.
Chop. Chop. Chop. Woo. Someone says, "Paul Bunyan." Keith finishes first and holds his axe with both hands over his head. He looks way too serious about it, and someone should tell him he just won a competition chopping four dinky pieces of wood on a FOX reality marriage show, not the heavyweight title.
Santagati instructs Keith to take his pick of the women lined up, as his reward. Andrea's still doing her open-mouthed slack-jawed stare thing. In an interview, she says that Keith seems like a "spot-on guy," and she hoped he'd pick her. But he chooses Rebekah. Heh. And the last-second attempt to create some drama during the selection process falls completely flat. In an interview, Andrea says, "Rebekah's very flirtatious. She's good at it, and she's gorgeous." Then Jason says in an interview that he was surprised Keith picked Rebekah, with maybe his funniest line yet: "I thought he was more of a Sissie kind of guy. He's not a sissy guy, but you know? I thought he would pick Sissie." Heh! Rebekah's dowry is up to $19,000 and we're forced to watch her doing her "oh golly gee whiz, I can't believe he picked lil' ol' me" routine that I'm surprised hasn't caused one of the other bachelorettes to stab her to death yet.
Anyway, now it's time for the women to choose from the remaining men. Cecile picks Will, as does Andrea, while Karen heads for Brad. Sissie -- who, presumably, after she didn't get picked by Keith, suddenly remembered that, oh yeah, she doesn't want to get picked -- also picks Will. Poor Mike! Dissed by Sissie!
Santagati sends off Brad and Karen. Now it's time for Will to choose among Cecile, Andrea, and Sissie, which he might do if he could stop doing this annoying "chugga chugga" motion. "They all want you," says Santagati, and Will -- rapidly getting on my nads -- gives a "can you really blame them?" shrug. He says, "This is tough," and then picks Cecile, who goes "yay!" all excitedly. New Tim says he remembers Will talking about Cecile "on the glacier," so he wasn't surprised when he picked her. New Tim's stalker vibe is growing with every interview.