Looking for Love
Ice Queens And Snow Men

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Big Willie Style

Then we see a few time-lapse shots of Cecile tossing and turning in bed, and I guess we're supposed to feel bad for her because she's not getting any hot action like the other bachelorettes, who get to do things like LIE THERE UNMOVING and TAKE OFF THEIR BOOTS. Commercials.

The next day. It's a brisk 6°, the coldest we've seen yet. The competition this time out is wood chopping, which is two useful competitions in a row for this show. Steve blah blahs the whole explanation of the new competitors. The camera pans over the couples while we listen to the Santagati voice-over, and Cecile and Andrea's attention is caught by something off-camera that we never get to see. Hey, Andrea, you know what's really unattractive? The way you stand there with your mouth gaping open.

First new dude: Keith, thirty-eight, boat captain. 6'4", blue eyes. His hobbies are scuba diving, flying, and male pattern baldness. "I believe in soulmates," he says, much to my chagrin. "There's definitely body chemistry that'll transition between two people," whatever that means. Rebekah checks him out.

Next: Will, twenty-nine, 6'0", blue eyes. He's a teacher; his hobbies are football and reading. He says his ideal woman is independent but can accept being part of a partnership. Cecile checks him out, and voice-overs that Will is a "good-looking guy," and that she was "pleasantly surprised" when she saw he was one of the challengers, and here we go again with FOX basically telling us who's going to wind up dating whom and basically ruining the chance for any suspense during these stupid competitions.

Mike, thirty-eight, park ranger. 5'9", blue eyes; his hobbies are sea kayaking and mountaineering: "My ideal woman is someone who's open-minded and who likes to do things outdoors." Andrea checks him out.

The final new contestant is Brad, forty-three, tennis pro. Brown eyes, 5'10". His hobbies are motorcycling and banjo. Not another tennis-pro/banjo-picker/biker! "My ideal wife would have to be very funny, have a great sense of humour, great smile, and of course she's gotta be hot." Oh, of course. She'll also have to have a thing for cheesy '70s moustaches. Karen checks him out.

Santagati explains that the men will be competing in a contest of "strength and accuracy," and outlines the prizes involved: $2,000 for the guy who wins and $2,000 for the dowry of the woman he picks to date. Each guy has four logs he has to quarter, and for some reason all the wood has to wind up in these wooden crates in order for the chop to count. As the guys get set, the women start in with the "woohoo!"s and the clapping, including Sissie.

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Looking for Love

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