There have only been three episodes of this show so far, but you would not believe how little I look forward to (a) watching this show and (b) writing the recap. It's already at the point where I am avoiding getting down to work on the recap with tricks I haven't used since university. Like cleaning up my apartment, and I don't mean the cursory weekly pickup of empty beer bottles and clothes that are on the floor. On Monday, I actually hauled the vacuum cleaner out of the storage room and it hasn't even been a year already yet. My apartment has never been so spotless. Eventually I realize that I have a job to do, so I do it. And when the opening credits come on, my left eye starts to twitch, which is my Pavlovian conditioned reflex to this show.
Then, there's the "Previously on Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska" segment that takes about half an hour to get through. Santagati's voice-over explains, "Brent and Sissie's attraction grew stronger." In an interview, Brent says "somebody pinch me" and I think that should be "somebody kill me" and at any rate they're using this "previously on" segment to sneak in extra footage since hardly any of the footage they show actually was previously on Bachelorettes. "Rebekah continued to cash in on her flirtatious ways, leaving her Men on Ice out in the cold." Sissie. Beret. Moving on. "Cecile's frustration with Tim's shyness reached a boiling point," which it didn't AT ALL and how great is it that this show assumes we're all too stupid to remember what happens from week to week, so it outright makes stuff up while summing up last week's episode in order to appear more interesting. Blah blah clip of Cecile saying that if Tim doesn't make a move "he's outta here," and they completely ignore how happy she was after he did make an effort. "Kristian revealed his doubts about a future with Andrea." Clip of bad-hair Andrea saying, "I'm sorry he doesn't feel anything stronger for me." Blah blah explanation of how Andrea had the option to take Patrick and mercifully we are spared a replay of Patrick's obnoxious belching.
At Proposal Point, Sissie keeps Brent, Cecile keeps Tim, and Karen keeps Kurt; in light of the non-representative selection of clips we've just seen again, the Tim/Cecile pairing makes no sense to anyone seeing the show for the first time because we didn't see Tim actually making an effort. I also find it hilarious that they didn't bother with any clips regarding what happened with Kurt and Karen, but I guess that does actually make sense, since nothing did. Rebekah chooses Jason the snowboarder from her Bachelor Buffet of three idiots. Blah blah about Andrea facing an "emotional decision," as if, but she decides to stick with Kristian. Then Santagati tells us that nonsense to the effect that the couples have another week to find out whether they will live happily ever after, and if there is anything more annoying than Santagati's clichés, it's the fact that FOX thinks its viewing audience believes an actual week has gone by for the Bachelorettes and Men on Ice even though each new episode picks up immediately after the last one ended.