Patrick goes first and makes a plea to Andrea, who manages not to start crying. Her dowry's up to $7,000. Patrick's holding a block of wood while he explains that he thinks Andrea's "cool" and he does this weird mouth thing like he's not taking this seriously at all. To give her an example of how much fun she can have with him, he says he's going to cut the piece of wood with his chainsaw impression. He puts the wood on the floor and proceeds to impersonate a chainsaw and just like with Jim's toque last episode I have to break with the prevailing attitude of the boards and say I thought the chainsaw thing was pretty cool. I mean, I actually tried to do it myself. I couldn't do it. Now, having said that, there is no way in hell that I would actually use a chainsaw impression to try to win a woman's heart; there's clearly a difference between behaviour that's acceptable when you're hanging out with your friends and behaviour that's acceptable when you're exploring a new relationship, and Patrick has no conception of the difference between the two of them. Still, everyone at Proposal Point seems to enjoy the chainsaw routine and clap enthusiastically for Patrick.
Billy Bob wants to make a plea to Cecile, bringing her dowry up to $9,000. At least Jack made an effort to memorize his poem; Jeff has to pull out a piece of paper to read this: "Cecile, I'm here with a plea. It's your decision, in this beautiful land, for all to see," like, nice poem, Jeff. At least it was short. Tim kind of smirks, since he knows there's no way he's losing to Jeff. You know, because he assaulted Cecile and everything, although you wouldn't know it from the way she's beaming at him during his stupid "poem." And before Jeff is cast out into the night, can I ask if I'm the only one who would be really freaked out if I got on a plane and found out he was the pilot?
Jason makes a plea to Rebekah; her dowry is now $15,000. Jason gives a half-assed spiel about how much fun he's had with her, and winds it up by saying he just has one question: "Would you please choose me?" and he holds up a block of wood as he says "would" and written on it is "please choose me." I guess Jason didn't want to waste all day working on his plea.
Michael becomes just another Rebekah Robot when he chooses to plea to her. Shot of Karen looking nonplussed, even though she called off their date after about ten minutes of fishing. Rebekah's dowry is up to $17,000. And you'd think an English teacher like Michael would be able to bust out a truly amazing poem like Shakespeare's "Sonnet XXIX," but instead he does this dance where he stomps around a bit and points at Rebekah and himself and I think it was an approximation of a First Nations dance, which I have to say is more than a little disrespectful when it's performed by a white guy in a jester hat. Well, no use getting annoyed over it. We know there's no way Rebekah's picking Michael.