Looking for Love

Episode Report Card
Daniel: C- | 440 USERS: C+
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I Got Your Connection Right Here

I mean, we have Rebekah and Cecile flopping on a couch next to Jack, asking him if he was surprised to be chosen; he says he was, since he had some competition. Rebekah annoyingly says in that irritating baby-voice manner of speaking she has that she wanted to squeeze all her men into a little ball and take them home with her, and here's hoping this episode's competition is a Shut Rebekah the Hell Up contest, and Cecile can barely muster up a fake laugh since nobody wanted her rejected ass last week, and could someone explain to me why Cecile even hangs out with Rebekah? ["If Cecile hangs with Rebekah, she'll be closest when the time comes to scoop up Rebekah's castoffs." -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Rebekah says she knew Troy would make a plea, but that the others were a nice surprise, and she's already referring to the pleas as "proposals." In an interview, Jack (who's wearing orange sunglasses), says he made a plea to Rebekah because he could feel a vibe, and -- okay, that's it. Until these morons stop talking about "vibes" and "connections" with Rebekah and just bloody well admit that Rebekah is the one they wanted most to have sex with (and who seemed like the best bet to agree), I'm going to have to ignore their stupid justifications. "Vibe." Shit. Who didn't get a vibe off Rebekah last episode? I swear you could tell that bear in the snow was thinking, "I think the dark-haired one is digging my action."

In an interview, Rebekah reminds us of Jack's poem, and all these flashbacks are kind of like old wounds that are just starting to heal until they're ripped open again, and we cut to Jack in the Northern Light reciting a line that he forgot -- something about Rebekah's legs being as long and graceful as a deer prancing through the meadow, like she already picked you, Jack; could you please allow me to keep my supper down this week, thank you?

In an interview -- one in which she looks a lot older than her alleged twenty-seven years -- Rebekah explains that there are two games: one is to find your soulmate ("on that part of it, I haven't found him," she says. Gee, five whole days and still no soulmate?). The second game is to make money for her dowry, and I guess if you want to call getting money for dating men a "game," then that's your business. Also, if that's a game, then Rebekah has to be the Wayne Gretzky of Bachelorettes on Ice.

Looking for Love

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