This episode starts off with Non-Stop Voice-Over as Santagati explains how the show works, and I'm not sure this is even necessary, since all during the show we are subjected to repetitive explanations of the not-exactly-complicated-in-the-first-place rules. You'd have to be an absolute idiot not to be able to follow what's happening. But if you're an absolute idiot, you're probably one of our contestants. But whatever -- the explanation is voiced over another montage featuring footage that we've seen a million times before -- like the women clambering up the hill in their dresses and then the clip with Santagati asking if the women are ready to meet the new men and Rebekah saying "yeah!" in this weird pod-person voice -- and stuff we haven't seen before, like people snuggling. At least, I don't think we've seen it before; it's hard to tell when I spend half the show averting my eyes. The montage ends with Santagati wondering who will find the man of her dreams and who will be left waiting at the altar, and this is over clips of the women standing alone in their wedding dresses as planes fly by. Then "Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska" comes up on the screen, with "Hosted by Steve Santagati" at the bottom as if we're supposed to know who he is, like they thought a viewer might be watching and about to change the channel until they see "Hosted by Steve Santagati" and then say, "Santagati? I'm there! That guy always does good work!" The wedding-dress-in-the-wilderness-shots have creeped me out since the first episode and I couldn't figure out why -- not in a "I can't believe I'm watching a reality show on FOX" kind of creepiness but something a little more visceral than that. Then I realized that they reminded me of a ghost story or a Johnny Cash song, like about a woman left at the altar (in Alaska, I guess) who killed herself and now wanders the Alaskan wilds forever.
Then the real opening credits and the attending supremely aggravating New-Agey-but-with- electric-guitar-thrown- in-for-good-measure music and "Single Women" and "Eligible Bachelors" on the screen, and maybe someone could explain to me what an "Ineligible Bachelor" would be anyway ["A gay guy?" -- Wing Chun], and worst of all, the "Last Chance For Marriage" fear-inducing thing. And, in case we missed it FIFTY SECONDS AGO, the "Looking for Love: Bachelorettes in Alaska" title pops up again. But no "Hosted by Steve Santagati" this time because I guess the graphic designer forgot to save his changes when he modified the title screen.